


Just Watch Those Icicles Form

by TristenCrone



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Christmas, Christmas Party, College Student Rey (Star Wars), Drinking, Drunkenness, Explicit Language, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Financial Issues, Grumpy Ben Solo, M/M, New York City, POV Alternating, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Size Difference, Smoking, Soft Ben Solo, Washington D.C.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28154925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TristenCrone/pseuds/TristenCrone
Summary: Ben Solo is overworked and exhausted, forced to attend his company Christmas party, he overindulges when the pressures from his job and the expectations of his parents weigh too heavily on him. A beautiful aerial performer nearby catches his eye.Rey is a college student, working multiple part-time jobs to stay afloat, including a Lyra gig at a Christmas party. When Hux approaches her and comes on far too strong, Ben steps in to try and defend her.Circumstances beyond their control have brought them together, lies and family drama will only complicate things further. What will happen when they realize they don't want to be apart?
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 52
Kudos: 84





	1. The Party

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter contains short depictions of manhandling and inappropriate behavior from Hux, as well as a brief physical altercation. It also includes mentions of alcohol and depictions of drinking and drunkenness from Ben. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, this is my first foray into a modern AU and with the snow we've had this last week I just HAD to write a wintery/Christmassy story. Not sure yet how long it will be, but I'm aiming for on the shorter side.

Chapter 1

New York City in the winter was somehow both breathtaking and a pain in the ass that didn’t quit. Steam curled up from subway grates, evoking the romanticized imagery of Marilyn and her white dress, the magic of it ruined almost immediately by the musty scent of millions of people crammed onto the too-small island.

Ben didn’t relish being out in the biting chill, rushing to catch a ride to a Christmas event that he didn’t want to attend. He couldn’t understand why it even mattered that he showed up, his job fell deep within the dregs of the publishing sphere. None of the editors, publicists or agents gave a damn about “Ben Solo, fourth-floor financial analyst”.

It would be another schmooze-fest, his colleagues imbibing a little too much to garner enough courage to network their way up the very crowded corporate ladder. Galactic Press being one of the “Big Five” publishing houses within the city, he knew just how tight competition was.

A black car pulled up to the curb of his office building, the soft whirr of the window sliding down drew his attention. He stepped toward the car, the crunch of snow under his shoe reminding him to tread carefully.

“Ben Solo?” The driver asked.

“Yep,” was all he said, gripping his pea coat tighter around his collar, his leather-clad hand tugging on the door handle of his Ryde, the neon sign in the back window and the corresponding license plate enough of a reassurance that this was the right car.

He wasn’t a native New Yorker, at least that was his excuse. He knew the locals would give him flack for ordering a car instead of taking a cab or the subway, but he couldn’t afford to get to the party smelling like stale cigarettes and someone else’s bad decisions. Sprinkle in the slightest hint of pee and he’d be wearing the Eau de Cologne of the city.

The driver remained quiet, something Ben would definitely award him five stars for, and he was able to take that time to check his phone. They were on the tail end of finishing up an offer and smack in the process of finalizing a book launch at the same time. No one in his department had left the office before seven in the last month, tonight being no exception.

His mother, but probably her assistant, had sent yet another email this week asking if he would be coming to their Christmas get-together. Ben had yet to respond, and the guilt and bitterness grew with every email.

He fought the yawn that threatened, blinking away the blur that came with it. He’d be “on” tonight, his supervisor had requested it, and then he’d duck out early and crawl into his bed to finally pass the hell out. It didn’t help that daylight savings this year seemed to come with a helping of Nyquil.

The trip to the venue was mercifully short, the Capitale building a step away from Chinatown, and Ben had to admit that it cut a stately picture. The old Bowery Savings Bank with its Corinthian columns, sculpted pediments and arch evoked the grandeur of a bygone era.

He slipped a few folded bills into the tip box between the seats before exiting with a brief “thanks” and rushing through the throng of people congregated on the sidewalk, smoking.

He slipped his gloves into his coat pocket and shrugged it from his shoulders, handing it to the attendant inside the door along with the embossed invitation. He was handed a number that he tucked into his breast pocket and a tag that displayed his name and department.

Ben felt ridiculous, the invitation had said semi-formal and he’d worn his only black suit to work in order to make it over on time. He pinned the name tag to his lapel, large fingers clumsy with the clasp. The building opened up into a large gilded foyer, a few people huddled into small groups, flutes resting in their hands.

A drink definitely seemed like a good idea right now.

He made his way down the hallway toward the ballroom, where the main event was situated.

They had spared no expense, aerial artists dangled from rigs set up around the room, backlit by dimly colored lights. The coved ceiling was beautiful, an art glass skylight breaking up the design. In another lifetime Ben might have considered architecture, but he knew looking around the room that he couldn’t have dreamed something like this up even if he tried.

He made his way over to one of the cocktail waiters, accepting the drink offered, Ben’s hand engulfing the champagne glass for the brief moment it took for him to knock back the drink and return it to the tray. He nodded his thanks, the waiter handing him another before Ben went in search of his table.

The company seated them according to their respective departments, which Ben didn’t love given how much they saw of each other daily, but it was better than being relegated to a table of strangers. He was the first to arrive, or at the very least the first to sit down.

Brassy music filled the room courtesy of the band on stage, sound reverberating throughout, the marble floors doing wonders for the acoustics. In the center of the dance floor an aerialist tumbled from high above, slipping down the silks and stopping short mere feet from the base of her podium.

Closer to their table was a dancer spinning on a hoop, the back of her knee the only thing keeping her up in the air, no safety harnesses or nets. Her dark hair cascaded down her back as she pulled herself up to sit within the circle.

She was wrapped in delicate black lace, shimmering with little jewels that caught the light as she moved above them. Even though her entire body was covered the fabric fit like a second skin, highlighting the lithe physique that must have been honed over hours of work.

Her legs dropped down over the edge of the ring, a hand gripping each side, her back cradled by the bottom on the hoop as she slowly spun around. One of her legs bent behind her, toes pointed… every inch of her body engaged.

As if she could sense his gaze, she peered down at him, her face partially shrouded by a masquerade mask. Ben looked away, swallowing hard on the chilled drink in his hand. In his parent’s circles he blended into the background, in this setting it was much of the same. He wasn’t used to being seen. There was nothing glamorous about being the numbers guy. The only thing that might have gotten him noticed was his height, and that was usually a brief conversation topic.

His colleague, and probably the closest person he had to a friend in the city joined him at the table with a partner in tow. Tai was also one of the few people that knew about his family, having taken a few classes from Ben’s uncle in college.

“Hey man, just a heads-up but apparently the publicity team has a gripe with the final budget. Hux is being difficult about it. No news yet on if we’ll have to come in tomorrow, which is ridiculous,” Tai shouted over the band, laying his jacket over the back of his chair, a fine sheen of perspiration on his face from what Ben assumed was the result of dancing.

“ _God_ , I hope not. They seriously need to get over themselves, I don’t understand how they think they’re going to convince us to redo a budget that took well over a month and was submitted over two weeks ago,” Ben rubbed his hand across his forehead, as if to iron away the headache that he could already feel coming on.

“Tell me about it. Want me to grab you another drink?” Tai asked, gesturing toward the empty glass that Ben still had gripped in his hand.

“Yeah, I’d appreciate that, thanks,” Ben said, uncurling his fingers from the glass and flexing out his hand to release some of the tension he failed to notice.

He hated just sitting here wasting the little free time he got, didn’t want to deal with the prospect of more work after all the overtime he kept putting in. He especially didn’t want to feel ridiculous because he couldn’t help but keep being drawn to the vision dangling above them.

Tai came back with something stronger than the effervescent champagne, after a tentative swig of the more than generous pour of amber liquid, Ben concluded that it must be a double shot of bourbon, neat. The spice tickled along his throat and into his chest, finally settling the chill that had hung onto him from outside.

Ben shouted his thanks above the music and Tai just waved him off, heading back toward the dance floor. People from his department came and went over the next few minutes, laying their personal items down before departing back into the throng of people: either toward the dance floor or the line for the bar.

There wasn’t much else to do at these events, and he was no dancer.

Ben kept glancing at his watch, trying to gauge how long he’d have to show face before he could get out of there. It also served as a distraction from the woman tumbling and spinning mere feet away. He didn’t want to seem like a creep, and she was magnetic.

He finished off his bourbon, with the vague thought that he should probably feed and water himself soon, since it had been several hours since he’d done either. His head was wrapped in a pleasant swath of cotton wool, the stress and rigidity leaving his body slowly, everything warming up nicely.

“Drowning your sorrows, Solo?” one of his teammates asked, one of the newer additions. He was fresh out of college, working in the financial department on an internship in the hope that might turn into something else.

“No Carid, I’m just unwinding after a long week,” Ben withheld the sigh that sat in his chest and threatened to slip past his defenses. Carid Tamb was ambitious, shallow-minded, and very much the office gossip.

“Oh-Kay…” Carid enunciated, “if you say so. I couldn’t help but notice that you’re the only one here that didn’t bring a plus one,” he finished, and Ben couldn’t tell if he was fishing for information or attempting a gibe. Though given the sly smile on Carid’s face, Ben was guessing it was more so the latter.

“Wow, glad to know you can count numbers under ten at least, maybe I’ll put a word in so that you’re utilized for more than just copying reports all day,” Ben retorted and Carid huffed before taking his seat at the other end of the table.

Ben _really_ didn’t want to be here.

The band started winding down, dancers descending from the ceiling for a well-deserved break, and Galaxy Press’ CEO Ransolm Casterfo took to the stage. The horde dissipated to their respective tables and Ben was relieved when Tai sat beside him. One friendly face in a pit of vipers.

“I would like to thank you all for joining us tonight, it’s been an extraordinary year for us all and we could not have made any of it happen without the hard work of all our team members,” Ransolm gestured broadly toward the tables, as if to drive his point home.

It also seemed to serve as some kind of cue for the waiters, each table being approached with flute glasses of more sparkling liquid gold. Ransolm lifted his own glass, the spotlight glistening off of his drink.

“Please join me in a toast. I hope I’m able to convey my appreciation and praise to you all. We trust that this evening serves as a way to express how much we value each of you. So, if you would excuse me for the cliché in a room full of literary people: eat, drink, and be merry!” Ransolm concluded, tipping his glass toward the crowd before taking a sip.

Everyone around them followed suit and Ben started to hope that the “eat” portion of the evening would arrive sooner rather than later, since he was on his fourth, _fifth if you counted the double as two?_ drink in under an hour. No longer seeming like a good idea.

He didn’t usually partake to this degree, a social drink during a toast or such, but the anxiety surrounding work and the lingering expectation from his parents to make it home for Christmas seemed to overwhelm him tonight.

Ben longed for the kiss of oblivion that came with being tipsy, that happy space where the world melted away. Unfortunately, it seemed he was rapidly approaching the point past that.

“Hey, I’ll be back in a bit. If they serve us tell them not to bother with me. I heard you can check out the old bank vault and that there are some intimate areas upstairs. I’m going to sneak off with my date,” Tai let Ben know, his hand clasped around his date’s, the two men heading away from the table without waiting for any acknowledgment from Ben.

The thought crossed his mind, at Tai’s mention of the meal, that he should find a waiter and request a bite, even though the food was clearly not being served yet. He rose on shaky legs, his body relaxed to the point that he felt entirely too loose for comfort.

He started making his way toward the kitchen doors where he saw a few waiters milling about when a shock of red hair and a flash of sequins caught his attention out of the corner of his eye, out in the foyer.

Armitage Hux, assistant to the head of publishing, and the nuisance that was causing all the fuss around the budget, was leaning over the aerialist that had caught Ben’s eye earlier. Even through his blurring vision Ben could tell that she was uncomfortable.

His stomach forgotten, feet moving of their own volition, he found himself within feet of them before he could think about it.

Hux had her backed up, leaning his arm against the wall beside her head. She seemed to shrink from him, her eyes kept darting away from Hux.

“I really should get back to my Lyra hoop, our breaks are just long enough to grab some water and stretch. If my boss catches me, I’ll be in a lot of trouble,” she told him, her voice warm if slightly anxious, tinged with a British accent.

“Come on, from one expat to another. Let me buy you a drink, we can get to know each other a little. I’m fairly important, I’m sure I could sway your boss if they did have some kind of problem with it,” Hux urged, the hand near her head reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Ha,” she gave a short laugh, forced, as if in an attempt not to piss him off, “I’m not allowed to drink on duty, sorry,” she said, sliding away from him.

Hux’s hand reached out to grab her wrist and Ben crossed that line between happy and everything else that lay beyond. His buzz was more than gone, words flying from his mouth without care.

“You better get your hands off of her, Hux,” Ben warned, some facet of his brain recognizing that his tone was very antagonistic, but he was far gone enough not to care.

Hux’s attention was diverted away from the aerialist, a frown pinching his pasty face, ginger brows thick above his eyes and twisted in displeasure.

“Excuse me, I’m not sure who you think you’re speaking to,” he paused to read Ben’s name tag, “Ben Solo from god knows where in cubicle land, but I’d rather you not involve yourself in matters that do not concern you,” Hux said, his voice clipped and cold.

“And I’d rather you unhand her before things get unpleasant,” Ben responded.

“I really should get back to my post. I’d urge to let go of my hand,” the woman said to Hux, her voice biting, pulling away.

Hux dropped her wrist, turning to her and muttering “I’m not done talking to you. Unless you’d like a formal complaint against you, I’d suggest you wait a moment and we can resolve this ourselves. In the interim, I’ll be having a word with Solo here,” Hux’s attention turned toward Ben.

“She already said no, why don’t you just drop it? You’re being a prick. For someone in PR you think you’d know better than to be a predatory asshole, especially outside a room full of witnesses,” Ben said, his voice a little too loud, drawing the attention of one of the dancers in their vicinity.

Ben had misjudged how drunk he was, that much was becoming abundantly clear. He wasn’t one for confrontation, all he’d wanted was this whole evening was to leave quietly. Ben also misjudged the quickness of Hux’s temper, his reflexes too slow to dodge the blow.

Hux’s fist connected with his cheek, his body registering the impact vaguely. Ben knew Hux must have hit him because he found himself on the ground, pressure tingling behind his jaw, but the sting of pain had yet to take hold.

His head was buzzing, that cottonwool feeling from before replaced with an oceanic roar in his ears. A few words here and there penetrated.

Another woman was speaking to the aerialist, her voice cutting through, stern and displeased. She berated Hux and he seemed to storm off. The aerialist was bending over him, her lips moving but she was on mute.

She must have sensed his disorientation, she reached out her hand to him, helping him sit up and finally trying to hoist his much larger, strangely heavier than it had been a few minutes ago, body.

He made it to his feet, swinging slightly, black spots dancing across his vision.

“Are you okay?” she asked, her voice finally penetrating.

“Mmm, not sure. Don’t think so,” Ben managed, sound rushing back in and his head pounding, his words twirling together.

“Do you have someone you can call for help?” she asked.

 _Call? Phone._ He thought to himself

He reached for his back pocket, pulling the device out and holding it out to her for a second before he realized he was the one that was supposed to call.

He tried to unlock it and realized the screen had splintered into a web of cracks, the phone not even bothering to come on.

Tai had disappeared to god knows where, Hux was probably telling everyone who would listen that Ben was the scum of the earth, putting a spin on what had happened out in the foyer.

He looked down at her, the edges of his vision swimming but he could see her face and her concern. The mask removed, was now clutched in her hand. Hazel eyes stared up at him, the barest hint of freckles peeking through her makeup.

“ _Fuck_!” He whispered to himself, displeased that he had gotten himself into this situation.

“It’s okay. We’ll sort it out,” she looked down at the cracked phone, the name tag on his chest and back up to his face, “you come with me, Ben,” she finished.

“What’s your name?” he blurted out, the sound of his name coming out of her mouth doing weird things to his insides.

Or maybe that was the alcohol curdling.

“Rey,” she answered, her hand pressing gently into his back to urge him toward one of the benches on the far side of the foyer, “You sit right here and wait for me, okay? I’m going to get our first aid person to check you out,” her voice was calming and Ben followed her instruction without question.

He closed his eyes for what felt like just a moment but must have been more because when he opened them Rey stood beside him and a guy in a full body leotard had his fingers pressed to Ben’s wrist taking his pulse.

He pulled a tiny flashlight out of a bag at his feet and instructed Ben to follow his finger while he shone the light into his eyes.

Ben did not feel good, at all. The room was spinny and the sounds echoing across the floors were too loud.

He just wanted to crash, hard.


	2. The Evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the love on chapter 1, it helped me push through to write this chapter even quicker! I really appreciate the comments and love hearing about what stood out for you, so feel free to share :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy, the next chapter will definitely be up before Christmas!

Chapter 2

This night was turning out to be one of the worst events Rey had worked. She’d been running late because a screaming child refused to get off of Santa’s lap at D. Onkar’s Toy emporium, and as his personal elf she had been relegated to crowd control and body-guarding Santa. By the time she managed to extract the little boy she’d missed her usual train.

Every little thing that could have gone wrong had. She slipped in the snow trying to rush home. Her regular costume had ripped, sequins littering her bedroom floor. She’d had to wear one of her back-up ones but that meant she didn’t match the other performers perfectly. She’d forgotten to grab a coat on the way out and so her muscles were even colder than they should have been. Maz had been kind about it, if a little miffed.

Then she’d gotten up on her hoop and within the first half an hour he’d caught her eye. She could feel him watching her, and when she finally caught his gaze, he looked away so quickly she was surprised he didn’t have whiplash.

It didn’t help that she spent the rest of her first routine glancing his way, waiting to lock eyes with him again, but he busied himself with his watch, and briefly with some of the other table guests. By the time she took a break her body was aching from her spill on the pavement earlier.

 _Ugh…_ _Hux_ , she thought with disdain. She knew the minute she saw his name tag and that shock of red hair that he was going to be a problem. She’d heard rumors about his behavior at other events that her friends had worked. They were right.

He’d slunk up along side her while she was resting against the wall, not permitted to sit while on duty. She’d dealt with her fair share of handsy men who felt entitled to her time and attention, but he was a prat of note. When Hux grabbed her wrist, she had to physically refrain from biting or slapping him.

 _You need this job._ Echoed through her mind repeatedly.

And then he stepped in.

Hulking and handsome and plastered, god help him. Ben, built-like-a-bloody-tree, Solo. He’d tried but Hux was in an ugly mood, his pride wounded and not all that sober himself.

Ben dropped like a felled tree as well, the impact of Hux’s fist less worrisome than the sound of his head cracking against the marble floor. Hux left soon after, shaking out his hand and trying to hunt down some ice before swelling kicked in.

Rey was late to return to her hoop, but one of the other performers had seen what happened and called Maz over.

She just gave Rey a tired smile and a sigh that let her know she had disappointed one too many times tonight. Maz kindly dismissed her and told her to take care of herself and that she understood, before she went back inside. At least she was kind enough to keep Rey on the roster for the New Year’s party.

Rey was left alone with him, poor sot sprawled out on the floor, dark hair fanning out around his head. It took all of her hard-earned strength to try and lift what was practically dead weight from the floor. He looked like a lost puppy, big brown eyes staring down at her, broken phone in hand.

She could almost hear her friends in her head saying: _Don’t do it, Rey. Just go home. He’s a grown man, he’s not your responsibility._

Then she heard him swear under his breath, the saddest little expletive, that full bottom lip giving the slightest quiver and she pushed her thoughts aside. He’d come to her aid when she needed it, even though she could have handled herself, she appreciated the attention being diverted away from her.

So, she went and got Coric. He performed with them as a hobby but his day job included teaching First Aid, so he was their de facto medic. He didn’t seem pleased when he inspected the bump on the back of Ben’s head, or with the fact that Ben didn’t come around until Coric took his pulse.

He inspected Ben’s pupils and had him do a few other tests to check his cognitive function.

“It’s hard to tell if it’s a concussion or not. His pupils are equal and reactive so it’s not serious enough that I’d call an ambulance, but he’s probably not in good enough shape to travel home alone. Definitely not good to drive, not that I expect most people here would be anyway,” Coric said, while packing up the little equipment he had.

“What should I do?” Rey asked.

“Do you have someone at home that can care for you tonight?” Coric asked Ben, and Rey knew just from looking at his face and the way it fell what the answer would be.

“No, I live alone,” Ben answered, his hand cradling the bump on the back of his head, “Ow” he said after talking, his hand moving to his jaw where a puce shaded bruise was already forming.

“He can’t go home alone like this, if it is a concussion it could be bad news. He’s pretty drunk so he could choke on his own vomit. It’s just bad times, maybe we should send him to the ER. As much as it pains me to say,” Coric said.

Rey looked over at Ben, in his sorry state, and back at Coric. Thinking of what the ambulance alone would cost… she couldn’t saddle someone with that if she could help it.

“I’ll do it,” she said.

“What?” both Ben and Coric said in unison.

“I have Finn to help me, I won’t be alone with him. His boyfriend, Poe, will most likely be there as well. We can take turns checking on him. It’ll be fine,” she told Coric, convincing herself, sounding more confident about it than she felt.

“I don’t… I can’t… It would be too much of an imposition, I don’t even know you…” Ben struggled to speak, tripping over his words.

“You’re too pathetic right now to be a threat to me, and I promise you I’m not a serial killer. It’s one night. Deal with it,” Rey said, her tone firm.

Ben looked at Coric for help, Coric looked at Rey. She tried to make herself look as stern as possible.

“Okay Rey, if you insist,” Coric said, and nodded to Ben, the latter nodding in return, “but I’m going to track your phone all the way home and you text me every five minutes so I know you’re still alive,” he whispered to Rey only and she squeezed his forearm, thankful to have a friend that cared about her wellbeing while respecting her autonomy and choices. Coric left them, alone in the foyer, sounds of the party drifting into the passage.

“Ben, let’s get you up and out of here,” Rey said.

He pushed himself up from the bench, unsteady but determined, and turned toward the door. Ben fished through his breast pocket and handed the attendant a slip for his coat. It may have taken him longer than usual, he may have struggled once or twice to find the second arm hole, but he managed.

At least it was early enough that the trains were still running and she didn’t have to use the money she made tonight on cab fare. The stairs into the station were tricky and Ben eventually accepted her outstretched hand of help. His palm swallowed hers, warmer than it should have been given the icy air.

She was reluctant to give up that extra heat, the bodysuit covered her but the single layer did little to protect from the cold. Ben must have felt her shiver beside him because he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out two big gloves, handing them to her wordlessly.

He laid his coat across her shoulders as well, as they stood waiting for the next train and she felt weirdly small and vulnerable. Rey was so used to taking care of everything herself, it felt strange to have someone else, someone she barely knew, come to her aid repeatedly.

They boarded the train and travelled in silence, Ben’s face paler than it had been in the foyer, his forehead pinched in what she assumed was pain. She texted Coric an update and sent a text too Finn for good measure.

**Need your help when I get home in a few.**

**Got a guy with me, please buzz us in.**

**I left my key in my coat and my coat on**

**my bed. ETA 5 minutes. P.S. I already**

**know, I don’t want to hear about it.**

Finn responded a moment later with a thumbs up, a wink and an eggplant emoji.

 _God_ her friend was an idiot, but she loved him anyway.

Ben seemed to be losing steam quickly. His head rested against the train window behind them, the cool glass probably soothing on his injury, and shut his eyes.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He opened one eye to peek, a little smile at the corner of his mouth when he saw her.

“Just tired and sore. We’ve been working sixty to seventy hour weeks. I forget what my apartment looks like, I haven’t seen it in daylight for a while,” he explained before he closed his eyes again, a huge sigh spreading in and out of his chest.

His speech was still slightly slurred but it seemed the cold had sobered him up, at least a little.

The announcement came up for her stop and she tugged on his jacket sleeve to alert him. He rose with what she could tell was reluctance but followed behind her without a complaint.

“Hey, I hate to be a nuisance about this, but I haven’t eaten since around noon. Could I stop and grab something? I know I’m already putting you out, but I’d really appreciate it,” he asked, sheepish, the slight slurring somehow adorable on someone so large.

Rey was starved herself, having rushed between jobs, skipping her own dinner.

“No worries, I’m famished as well. There’s a diner near my apartment that would still be open?” Rey didn’t know why she phrased it as a question when their options were limited. It was that or the McDonald’s down the street, and she needed more than chicken nuggets at this point.

He nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. She wrapped his coat tighter around her, her hands clumsy inside the massive gloves. Their breathing was visible in the frigid air, the pavement thankfully free of snow.

Rey wasn’t overly chatty, had been accustomed to solitude until she met Finn and subsequently Poe. They’d taken her under their wings, new to the States and wide-eyed to this whole new world. Since she’d known them, she’d become far more open and conversational.

At least that was the excuse she was giving herself for why she desperately wanted him to strike up a conversation. It had nothing to do with the way his deep voice seemed to rumble through his chest, and how warm her skin felt when those brown eyes were trained on her.

He seemed content with the quiet though, deep in thought beside her, hands inside his trouser pockets to protect from the cold. They rounded the corner and Corellia came into view, tucked under the High Line, its fading red brick highlighted by the neon “Open” sign.

The bell on the door dinged as they entered, the diner fairly empty, the evening rush over. One of the waitresses cleared a table nearby. The clinking of cutlery on the Formica table top and the smell of well-seasoned steak felt like a comfort to Rey. She’d been coming here since she moved in with Finn, the little diner seemed to keep the same odd hours she did.

The owner wiped the bar top, some or other crooner singing over the speakers nearby. He looked up, caught sight of them and his face wrinkled into a smile.

“Rey! I have not seen you in days, I thought you had gone and forgotten me,” he admonished and she fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“Crix, I was in here two days ago. Your prices are great, but I do need to act responsibly at least once a week,” Rey reminded him and Crix just tutted at her and went back to wiping.

“I see you’ve brought a friend,” he said, his tone overly innocent and Rey smiled at the mischievous look on his face.

“Crix Madine, Ben Solo,” she gestured between the two men.

Crix stuck his hand over the bar and Ben gripped it, a firm handshake and he seemed pleased, nodding once before releasing Ben’s hand.

“Your name sounds familiar, I knew a Solo many years ago but we lost contact,” Crix seemed to get swept up in some sort of world only he could see. Rey wondered again at the scarring on the older man’s face, his hair almost completely silver with some red peeking through. With his bushy beard he looked a little like Santa, only more Irish.

“We’ll be at one of the tables,” Rey said, not bothering to pull him from his reverie. He was well known for his slight eccentricities.

Menus placed before them within moments, they perused them quickly, eager to feed the gnawing of their stomachs.

Ben ordered the roast beef entree, Rey opted for an eggplant parm. Their food was placed before them in record time and they didn’t waste any time digging in. Rey burnt the tip of her tongue but the hot meal was too good to wait.

Ben’s eyes still looked a little glassy but color seemed to be returning to his face as he ate. The bruise on his jaw no longer sticking out so badly, but the shadows under his eyes remained.

“So, you come here often,” Ben said, more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah, Crix has a soft spot for foreigners and he cut a deal with the meat distributor so he’s got some of the best prices this side of the river,” she said.

He nodded, devouring his own meal. Rey wondered at his stress level, for someone as drunk and concussed as he seemed he held himself so tense, except for those few moments where a light sleep overtook him. His face seemed pulled into a perpetual scowl, intense and intimidating. Coupled with his height she wondered if people ever approached him.

She knew that she wouldn’t have, even though he’d piqued her interest. Rey was still getting a handle on the dating scene in New York. She hadn’t had the courage to download any dating apps. Her friend Rose had enough horror stories to keep Rey off of them forever. The thought of Rose gave her an idea on how she could help Ben out with his broken phone.

“If you’d like, I know your phone was quite beat up, I have a friend that’s really good with technology and repairs. I can have her take a look at it for you?” Rey asked.

Ben seemed pleased, nodding with his mouth full of food and Rey couldn’t suppress the giggle that slipped out of her mouth. He looked so happy. He held out his phone to her and slipped it into her outstretched palm, his fingertips touching hers, barely. Though that slight touch was somehow enough to affect her breathing for the next few seconds.

They finished up their meal, Rey paid since the diner was cash only. Ben had offered but he only had cards, he grumbled a little about it and promised to make it up to her.

The apartment was only a few blocks away, as promised Finn buzzed them in as soon as she rang their number. The narrow stairway didn’t allow for both of them to walk comfortably, so she led the way, strangely self-conscious of how her body looked right in front of him. Luckily his coat hung down to her thighs, covering most of the skin-tight costume.

Finn opened the door at her knock and stepped aside for them to enter. Ben seemed exhausted, his movements slow and slightly unsteady as he followed her into the living area. At least Finn had enough foresight to tidy the place. Ben stood, looking a little longingly at the couch, but Rey knew he was far too big to sleep comfortably on it.

Finn caught her eye behind Ben’s back, his eyes widening, pointing at Ben in surprise. Rey shook her head, not wanting him to get the wrong idea.

“Ben, you can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight,” Rey said, almost more to make a point to Finn than for anything else.

“No, I can’t put you out like that. I’ve just been trouble for you all night. I’ll survive a night on the sofa,” Ben offered.

Finn shrugged at her, confused by what was going on.

“No, you’re injured. I insist. You can repay any kindness by passing it along, ‘tis the season after all,” Rey said, smiling at him to let him know it really was okay.

Ben nodded, looking like he was about to fall asleep where he stood.

“Come with me,” Rey instructed, waving Finn off with a small gesture. She’d have the chance to explain once she got Ben tucked away.

Her room wasn’t too messy, considering she’d ripped through it like a tornado that afternoon. Rey made quick work of grabbing her coat, ripped costume and other various clothing items on the bed. At least the bed was made, the golden duvet fluffy and soft.

She dropped the pile of clothing into the hamper, to deal with later. The fairy lights around the room had been left on, casting a warm glow on the room. Ben’s face soft and vulnerable, his tiredness clearly impacting the walls she sensed around him.

She distracted herself by trying to find things to tidy. Her laptop was still open at her desk, so she shut it and pushed in the desk chair to make some room for Ben.

“I can get you some pajamas from Finn?” She offered, eager to have a reason to leave. Her room felt too small, or he was too big, she wasn’t sure. Either way, he left her feeling like she’d swallowed a bee hive, but he just shook his head.

“Coric wasn’t sure if you had a concussion, so I’m not sure exactly how often we’re supposed to check in on you, but google said every two to three hours. I hope you don’t mind,” she said, not wanting to wake him even though it was in his best interest. She could tell he needed the rest.

“Thank you,” Ben said and Rey smiled at him and nodded, ready to turn to leave.

“No, really,” he said, drawing her attention back to him. “Thank you, Rey. Very much,” Ben finished, his voice low and serious.

She was sure she was blushing.

“It’s a pleasure, I’ll see you again in about two hours,” Rey said, shutting the bedroom door, and fled to the living area.

Finn was waiting for her on the sofa, a steaming mug of tea on the table. It wasn’t until she sat down beside him that she realized she was still wearing Ben’s coat and gloves. She pulled them off, and instantly missed the soft scent of the woods and leather, and just a hint of citrus.

“Okay, I’m going to need all the information… _all_ of it,” Finn said, no pretense or playing around.

“It’s been a fucking day, Finn, I swear. Plutt was a nightmare at the toy store, even though I told him I had to leave on time. I was late for Maz and right after my first set I got harassed by one of the partygoers,” Rey started, blowing on her tea before taking a sip of the hot beverage.

“He was _such_ a prick. Anyway, Ben noticed and came over to confront the guy. He was tipsy and definitely pissed off the wrong person. Anyway, Ben got his ass handed to him trying to defend me and he’s concussed and he lives alone, and Coric said he couldn’t be alone. So, I volunteered to help him out, I mean it’s Christmas and he tried to help me, so,” she chattered, acutely aware of Finn’s raised eyebrow and his not-at-all-surprised face.

“Rey, stop rambling. We’ve spoken about this. No strays, you agreed,” Finn reminded her.

“He’s not a stray, he’s…” Rey tried to defend herself.

“He’s a six-foot-three slab of broad, brooding, man and he didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time you were in the living room,” Finn retorted and Rey felt her face flame.

He laughed at the blush, pleased with himself she was sure. He’d been trying to set her up with guys from work for weeks and she’d always declined, not wanting to make it awkward for him if it didn’t go well.

“Still, you need to stop trying to help every creature in need, it’s going to bite you in the ass one day,” he said.

“I know, Finn, really. He just, he had no one,” she said, all too familiar with the feeling.

“Okay, but you shout if he does anything, Poe and I can be up and ready within a few seconds. We’re here, okay?” Finn said, taking her hand and giving it a soft squeeze, the contrast of his dark hand and her pale one the only external reminder that he wasn’t her family. Even though he very much felt like it, she hadn’t been lucky enough to have him as a brother by blood.

She nodded, and he went back to bed. Rey texted Coric to let him know they were home safe and tucked in, and then she sent a message to Rose, asking if she was available to take a look at Ben’s phone.

Rose responded that she was and Rey wandered down the hall to her apartment to show her the damaged phone.

“It doesn’t look good, Rey. I’ll try my best though, he might need to replace it if I change out the screen and it still won’t turn on,” Rose said.

“I’d really appreciate it, whenever you can get to it,” Rey said and Rose just laughed.

“Are you kidding? I got stood up tonight, I was rage cleaning but this gives me something better to focus on. When I’m tinkering my mind empties, whereas cleaning just seemed to piss me off more,” Rose said.

Rey felt upset on her behalf, she was one of the sweetest and most bubbly people Rey had ever met. Rose was an optimist and a hopeless romantic.

“You know I’d be happy to give him a piece of my mind. I know swear words that he’s probably never even heard of,” Rey said, trying to inject a threatening tone to her voice to cover the concern.

“I appreciate it, but it’s not necessary. Onward and upward. I’ll text you when the phone is done. If I can get it to work it’ll be done by morning,” Rose said, and Rey gave her a hug of thanks.

She set an alarm so she would be able to wake Ben and settled into the couch to sleep. The next few hours were filled with fitful sleep, the situation with Hux at the forefront of her mind.

The alarm couldn’t have come at a better time, waking her from her bad dream. She opened her bedroom door and Ben was sprawled out in her bed. It was a double, more than enough room for her and probably someone else, but he made it look too small for anyone but him.

His trousers, dress shirt and blazer hung neatly over the back of her chair. He had a white undershirt and she assumed underwear on. Rey felt a flutter of nerves skitter through her stomach as she reached out to touch his arm.

His skin was warm, his bicep firm. She tried not to dwell on it, shaking him a little hard but she didn’t want to have to repeat it. Ben shuddered awake, his eyes opening slowly.

“I’m sorry. I had to wake you to check on you,” she said.

“S’okay, thank you,” he mumbled, his voice somehow deeper with sleep, his hair mussed on her pillow. Those dark waves begged to be tamed.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll be back in a few hours,” she reminded, backing out of the room, fighting the thoughts that wandered in unbidden.

She could have sworn she heard him whisper something else, something that sounded suspiciously like “stay” but it was 1AM and her mind was fuzzy from lack of sleep.

Rey passed out again, waking up with the next alarm and a message from Rose saying she’d managed to fix the phone and it was in a box by the door. Rey woke Ben again briefly, and he seemed fine, if a little grumpy for getting woken up. He did lay his hand over hers when she shook his arm, for a moment before he realized what was going on, and he let go. He thanked her again and turned onto his side, clutching one of her pillows.

She left the room before she could make a fool of herself, and retrieved the phone from the door. It turned on just fine and so she placed it on the coffee table and went back to sleep.

Rey woke to bright sunlight slicing through the gap in the curtains and the loud vibration of a phone going off on the coffee table.

She answered it without a second thought, mind bleary from being ripped so rudely from her dream.

“Hello?” she asked, her voice thick with sleep.

“Oh?” came a mature woman’s voice, clearly surprised. “I’m sorry I think I might have the wrong number. I’m looking for Ben,” she said.

Rey shot up on the couch, the wrong phone clutched to her ear, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she tried to untangle herself from the blanket.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t check which phone I answered, mine was right beside his. He’s still in bed sleeping but I can wake him if you’d like,” Rey offered, tripping out of the blanket and almost stubbing her toe.

“That’s alright. I’ll just have you pass along the message since he’s ignoring me anyway,” the woman said, “What is your full name?” she asked.

“Rey. Rey Niima,” she answered lamely, pulling the phone away from her ear for just a moment to see what the caller ID read. It simply said: Leia Organa. She asked Rey to spell it out and she did, only realizing after that it was a very strange request.

“Okay, Rey. Here’s what I’m going to have you do. You tell my son that he better get home by tomorrow, we are not going to do Christmas without him. I’m tasking you with making sure he makes it in time for dinner. I’ve purchased train tickets for the both of you to pick up at Penn station, leaving before noon tomorrow,” Leia said, barely giving Rey any time to interject.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I think you might have the wrong idea. He’s… I’m not…” she started and Leia spoke again before she could finish.

“It’ll be fine, dear, he’ll calm down in a few hours. We’re excited to meet you! Goodbye,” Leia finished and Rey stood dumbfounded, Ben’s phone dangling from her hand.

Her mind slowly registered the sun, far too bright to be early. Rey checked her own phone, several missed calls coming up from Unkar Plutt, including a voicemail. The time told her she was over two hours late for her shift at the toy emporium.

Rey listened to the voicemail, Plutt’s harsh voice letting her know in no uncertain terms that she was fired and she had to turn in her elf uniform by the next day or she would be held liable for the cost of replacement.

It was too much for her morning brain to process, and so she found herself inside her bedroom, plopping down to sit at the bottom of the bed, a phone in each hand and dread curling low in her abdomen.

Ben woke with the movement of the bed, looking for the disruption and sitting up in bed when he saw Rey.

“What’s wrong?” He asked immediately, probably sensing from her expression that something was off.

“I fucked up, real bad,” she said and promptly burst into tears, exhaustion and everything from the weekend finally catching up to her.


	3. The Lie

Chapter 3

A Mack truck must have driven right through the back of his skull, it was the only explanation he had for the splitting headache he woke to. He hadn’t drunk in a very long time, and yes, he’d done it on an empty stomach, but he wasn’t _such_ a lightweight, surely?

He was pulled from sleep, abruptly, by the sensation of his body rocking on an immobile object. Ben risked opening his eyes, worried about the effect of the sunlight on his hangover, and was met with Rey sitting on the edge of the bed looking terribly concerned.

Her hair was wild around her face, still in the costume from the night before, her cheek holding the faint imprint of some of the sequins, as if she had slept with her face pressed to her arm.

The evening came back to him in a rush, the slew of horrible days at work, the party that had devolved into such a mess. Rey helping him, seeing to his wellbeing, their meal together and the faint memory of her waking him to check on his concussion. It was the longest interaction he’d had with anyone outside of work since moving to New York.

She said something about having messed up and started crying, Ben felt completely out of his depth. He’d never known how to deal with emotion well, was famous for avoiding it if he could. Which was partially why he tried to avoid seeing his family too much, they brought out that side in him.

He rose from the soft cocoon of her bed, the best sleep he’d had in weeks, even with the waking. Ben sat beside Rey and awkwardly patted her hand where it rested on her knee, a phone gripped in her fingers.

 _God, what an idiot._ He thought, upset that he didn’t know how to help. Maybe if he could get her to talk about it, he could solve the problem.

“What happened? Take a deep breath and start at the beginning,” he tried, and she looked up at him, her eyes red-rimmed, mouth swollen from crying.

“Do you want the good news or the slew of bad?” she asked, trying to crack a smile, but her statement was clearly not a joke.

“Start with the good, maybe it’ll help you feel better,” Ben said, squeezing the top of her hand, careful not to do it too hard with the phone still gripped there, her fingertips turning white from how tightly she held it.

She sniffed, nodded, and swallowed hard, pulling her hand out from under his and turning it over.

“I got your phone fixed,” she said, holding the device out for him to take.

He took it from her, turning it on, ecstatic for two seconds until he saw the messages and email notifications popping up in quick succession. Most of them from his boss, but one email from his mother last night. Ben would deal with it in a second, for now he had to figure out why she was so distraught.

“And the bad news?” He ventured, worried about what might be wrong.

“I forgot to set the next set of alarms when I woke you at 3AM, so I completely overslept. My phone was on silent so I missed a bunch of calls from my job and now I’ve been fired,” she said, her eyes welling again but that lip didn’t quiver, she seemed to be trying her damnedest to keep it together.

“The aerial gig? I’m sorry, that has to be mostly my fault,” he said, guilt snaking up his chest.

“No, this was a different job, a Christmas elf at D. Onkar’s,” she said.

“I’m so sorry, this is still my fault, if you hadn’t been so concerned with taking care of me you wouldn’t have been in this mess. I’m so grateful and I owe you, big time!” he said, knowing that he couldn’t get her job back but determined to help her nonetheless.

“That’s not all, and trust me you won’t be thanking me in a minute,” Rey started, tucking some of her hair out of her face and taking a deep breath, as if she had to gear herself up to do it.

“I woke up because a phone was vibrating on the coffee table, I was so out of it I didn’t even think about it before I picked up…” words seemed to fail her, and she gestured uselessly with her hands as if gesticulating would convey the rest of it.

“Go on,” Ben prompted, his chest tight with anticipation, worried that he knew exactly where this was going.

“It turned out to be your phone that I answered. I’m so sorry, Ben. I mucked it up, I mentioned you were still in bed and that I could wake you to take the call. But she just carried on talking and I’m afraid she must have gotten the wrong idea somehow,” Rey said, her face horrified. A frown marring her forehead, the last remnants of the mascara she had missed leaving a small black streak down her face.

“She who?” Ben asked, already knowing. No other woman had this number.

“Your mom,” Rey answered miserably.

“And what idea did she get, exactly?” He asked, worried, knowing his mother’s tendency to take over and run with the slightest provocation.

“She must have been under the impression that we were together. She told me to let you know that we were to be at theirs for Christmas in time for dinner tomorrow, and that they weren’t going to do it without you,” Rey said and Ben felt the frustration pooling in his muscles.

He stood up from the bed, pacing in the small space beside her bed, trying to wrap his mind around everything that had transpired.

“Shit, _shit_ , shit,” Ben muttered under his breath, running his hand through his hair as if to clear his mind, but he failed.

“That’s not all,” Rey said, her soft-spoken sentence stopping him in his tracks. He raised an eyebrow in question, not trusting that his voice would be especially kind at the moment if he spoke.

“She also bought us both train tickets for tomorrow, we’re to pick them up at Penn station, it leaves before noon,” Rey said, her voice getting softer and sadder with each word.

Ben’s muscles itched for release, he wanted to sprint or shout or hit the crap out of a punching bag. His overbearing mother had struck again. He knew he should have responded to her email sooner, but he’d falsely hoped that if he ignored the problem it would simply go away. He fisted and flexed his hands multiple times to try and calm down.

Poor Rey looked like she was ready for him to unleash on her.

“She said you’d be mad,” Rey said, her face downcast, as if she was hiding.

“She said a lot apparently,” Ben muttered, “She didn’t happen to say anything else, did she?” he said, sarcasm tainting the words.

“Just that they were excited to meet me,” Rey said, an unfathomable emotion in her voice but he could tell that his mother’s statement had made an impact.

Ben took another deep breath, feeling it build through his chest, stretching his lungs before he let it go and sat beside her.

“Rey,” he said, trying to get her to look at him, but she remained stubbornly fixated on her phone, twirling it between her hands.

“ _Rey_ ,” Ben tried, urging her without the words. Suddenly desperate to cheer her up, a strange want in the pit of his stomach to know just why his mother’s words had made such an impression.

She glanced up at him, her face guarded, trying to keep a handle on her emotions.

“I’m not mad at you, okay? I was just a little taken aback, I’m still half asleep. My mother and I… my family, we have a complicated relationship. I’m sorry you got caught up in all of it. I know we don’t know each other very well, or much at all, but I’m sure I can come up with something to get you out of it. I’m sure you have your own Christmas plans, without being dragged into my own unwanted ones,” he tried to reassure her, but she didn’t respond at all, just worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as if thinking something over.

“You’re under no obligation to help me with this, after all the trouble I’ve put you through already. I don’t want to get in the way of your plans,” he said, his chest tight at the thought of the holidays with his family. The unending questions when he showed up alone. He’d be fine, he’d done it all before. It was his burden to bear and did not concern this lovely woman.

She’d been kinder than anyone else he’d ever known, not expecting anything in return.

His words were supposed to be comforting but they didn’t seem to relax the frown on Rey’s face.

“I don’t have any plans,” she said finally and Ben didn’t know how to respond.

“Finn and Poe are going on their annual trip somewhere sunny and warm. Rose and her sister are driving upstate to spend the holiday with their parents. My only plans included streaming Christmas movies and eating an entire apple pie,” Rey finished, looking and sounding dejected.

“What about your family, I know you’re far from home but no plans to video call or anything?” he asked, the knot in his chest squeezing at the thought of her all alone here over Christmas.

Especially because his initial plans had been similar, he knew exactly how lonely and miserable those types of plans could be.

“I don’t have any family, they died when I was young,” she said it plainly, as if she’d had to say it numerous times over the course of her life, the words almost hollow.

Ben felt like an absolute heel.

“God, I’m so sorry. That was insensitive of me,” he blundered, and he finally realized that he was sitting beside her in his underwear.

“You didn’t know, it’s okay. Truthfully, I’d planned to work all through the holiday for some extra spending money. It’s been tight covering my uni fees and rent with part time jobs. My elf job was supposed to be for some rainy-day money. But now that’s out the window and selfishly I’d like nothing more than to get out of the city for a little bit,” Rey admitted and Ben realized he didn’t know very much about her, he had no idea that she was a student, or frankly how old she was.

“I know it’s rude to want to go, especially since you don’t even want to go yourself, and you barely know me. You mother is operating under the wrong assumption and it would only add to your problems,” Rey said and it seemed like although she was admitting a lot, it didn’t come easy.

“So, come with me then,” he said, eager to please her for reasons he couldn’t even begin to unpack. But if including her in his crazy family plans would make her smile, he’d do it.

“What?” she asked, shocked.

It seemed like a perfect solution for the both of them. She wouldn’t be alone over the holidays; she could get away from the negativity in New York for a bit. Ben desperately needed a break from work and bringing someone as a buffer might help keep his family off of his back if they thought he was happy and coupled up.

It also meant more time with her, something that he realized he sorely wanted, despite the short span of time that he’d known her.

“Come with me, the ticket is already paid for and unless you’re going to try and fight for your job back you don’t have anything pressing to see to here,” he reasoned. Trying to make it seem more appealing to her, not divulging his own selfish reasons for wanting her to come along.

“But they think we’re together,” she reminded him.

“It’s my turn to admit something selfish…” Ben started, “my mother has been on my case since before I moved to the city, constantly trying to set me up with her friends’ and colleagues’ daughters. It would be nice to escape that for once. We could pretend,” he thought aloud and then realized how ridiculous he sounded.

 _What the fuckkkkkk._ He sounded like such an idiot. What was he thinking?

“Okay,” Rey responded, surprising him, and he was sure she noticed because she quickly interjected, “You seem nice, I’d like to get to know you better, and it seems like we can both help each other out. We’ll just have to get our story straight first,” Rey said, echoing some of the same sentiments he’d had himself.

“It’s a three-hour train ride, between that and possibly some time today I’m sure we could come up with something,” Ben responded, a smile breaking over his face at the relief and excitement he felt at the prospect of getting to know her.

“I have no idea what to bring, or wear… it’s the first time I’m going home with someone for Christmas, even though this is fake, I still want to make a good impression,” Rey said, vulnerability peeking through.

So, they sat on the edge of her bed and discussed the expected activities, the dinner that was the highlight of the Christmas festivities. Ben offered to accompany Rey to pick out a dress for the occasion, the least he could do after she had gone out on a limb for him and was about to make his holiday far more painless than it would have been otherwise.

Rey told him about the elf costume debacle and they decided to just tackle it along with the other errands. She went off to shower and Ben got dressed again, before heading to the living area to give her privacy. He folded up her makeshift bed and settled onto the sofa to check his work messages.

They’d expected him in today, apparently. Ben shook his head, appalled at the increasing ire that came with each new email. His supervisor had caught wind that there had been an altercation between him and Hux, clearly the opinion was that Ben was in the wrong.

He was just so tired of it all, so he logged into his portal and put leave in for the rest of the week. He knew he had more than enough time to cover it, since he hadn’t taken a vacation in well over a year.

Within minutes a message popped up from Pryde, denying his request for leave and commanding him to the office within the hour. Ben had reached his breaking point. It was Sunday. He’d done more than enough over the last few weeks especially, not getting paid for any of the overtime. They definitely did not pay him enough for his troubles. It was time for him to act his wage.

He doubled down, reiterating that he was heading out of town and would not be responding to work correspondence until after New Year’s.

Pryde threatened him with termination.

Ben responded that if Pryde felt that strongly about it, then fine, he would tender his resignation. Otherwise, he would be back after the new year.

Pryde did not bother to respond, and Ben was so far beyond the point of caring. He may or may not come back to a job, but that didn’t matter right now. There were more pressing matters at hand.

Rey emerged, bundled up in an oversized sweater, looking cuter than she had a right to. She left a note for Finn, explaining that she was out running errands so she would probably miss their departure, but wished them a lovely trip in case she wasn’t back in time to see them off.

The two of them set off, heading toward the toy store first, Rey handed the uniform over to a sour-looking man. Short and stout, his bald head beaded with sweat and he huffed in indignation when Rey simply gave it to him without a fight. Clearly, he had been expecting some sort of altercation, perhaps even some begging.

She turned and left without a backward glance, and Ben rushed to keep up with her. Rey may have been smaller than him, but she made up for it in determination and grit.

They spent the next few hours dawdling around stores so she could pick out a few new outfits, something she protested strongly but Ben reminded her that he knew what was expected when it came to his family, and that he knew she was strapped for money. She could return them when they came back if she felt that strongly about it, and so she acquiesced, only grumbling slightly.

He didn’t see any of them, Rey and the attendant on their own mission, rushing around after he divulged the usual itinerary.

After a meal and an armful of bags they exchanged numbers and agreed to meet at the station around ten the next morning, going their separate ways and Ben asked her to let him know when she got home safe.

She seemed to be a magnet for trouble, and he definitely counted himself among said trouble.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, he finally showered and changed into comfortable clothes, packing his suitcase for the next few days. He took the time to clear out his email list and to set up an automatic message letting everyone know he was out of the office and wouldn’t be available.

He sent his mother a short text message, even though he knew she hated it, but he didn’t have the stamina for one of her phone calls at the moment.

**We’ll be on the train tomorrow. See you soon.**

She didn’t respond, not that he expected her to, but he knew she’d be pleased that she’d gotten her way.

Ben felt overly restless, so used to being exhausted at the end of the day, no time for anything other than work, food and sleep. Today had been a rush of fresh air, breathing new life into his dull routine, and now he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He settled in for a Christmas movie, trying to get himself into the spirit of the holiday, something he hadn’t done for many years. His mind kept wandering back to Rey and the way she smiled at him when she spoke about things that excited her.

Ben knew so little about her, but he was determined to change that. She’d sparked something in him, something he hadn’t thought about for a long time. He had no idea where this would go, but he was going to enjoy it for as long as he could.

He nodded off to the soothing Christmas songs being sung on the movie and when he woke to his alarm the next morning it was without the dread that usually precluded his day.

Ben dressed for the train ride, black jeans and a steel gray cable knit sweater to ward off the chill. With his black leather weekender in hand, he took another Ryde to the station, arriving by ten, and after a short conversation with an attendant he had both his and Rey’s ticket in hand.

She entered the station a few minutes later, her hair pulled back into a low bun at the nape of her neck. Her taupe sweater looked soft and comfortable, roomy and partially tucked into her fitted trousers. Her outfit tapered down into heeled boots, the same color as the sweater than seemed to make her legs look a mile long.

Her own bags rested in the crook of her elbow and she seemed to be looking around for him. He headed over and relieved her of her luggage, a smile blooming across her face when she realized it was him.

Her cheeks and nose were pink from the cold air outside and he fought the urge to place his hands on her cheeks to heat them up.

Ben handed over her ticket and they walked toward their platform, both a little breathless. First class Acela tickets ready to go, spacious seats facing each other and a small table in between, they settled in for the three-hour train ride to D.C.

“So, what’s the story we’re going with?” Rey asked once they were seated.

“I think we should get to know the basics about each other first, and then we can build from there. I’ll start: how old are you and what are you studying?” he asked, intrigued since he’d heard her mention it.

“I’m twenty-three and I’m in my third year of a bachelor degree in anthropology, I put off college for a few years to work and try to save up enough to get me started. I moved to the city to start my degree at NYU,” Rey explained, “how about you? I know you work for Galaxy Press but I have no idea how old you are?” she asked, crossing her leg over the other and settling in comfortably for the ride.

“I’m thirty-two, I moved to the city a little over a year ago from D.C. I just needed to take a break from my family and their whole scene. So, I took a job as a financial analyst, even though it was a step down from what I’d previously been doing. I needed something different,” Ben said, and was slightly shocked by their age difference.

It wasn’t huge but she seemed more mature than her age suggested, or maybe he was just getting old. Who knew at this point?

Rey nodded as if she understood, it didn’t seem like his age bothered her too much which was a relief.

“Tell me about your family and friends,” Rey asked and Ben felt doubt snake in.

“I don’t have many friends, I’ve always been kind of introverted, plus my parents live fairly public lives so that just never appealed to me. I keep to myself. I have a friend in the office, Tai, but he’s more of an acquaintance than anything else. I’m an only child… I don’t know, what else is there?” he asked, his heart racing for some reason. It had been so long since he’d done anything like this.

He’d felt calmer at job interviews.

“You mentioned your parents having public lives and this party they’re hosting… it seems to be an extension of that?” Rey asked, careful, as if trying not to pry too much.

“My mother Leia is in politics, so she rubs elbows with a lot of different people. My dad, Han, used to be a military man but he’s spending his retirement getting into mischief and pissing my mom off. They love me, they were just always busy with their jobs, and now we aren’t very close. I have an uncle, Luke, who’s a history professor at Georgetown,” Ben said, strange to hear his family summed up in a few sentences.

“I know your parents passed away when you were young, but why don’t you tell me a little about your life and friends now?” Ben suggested, not wanting to make her uncomfortable by asking more about her parents. She’d seemed a bit off about it earlier, and he didn’t want to spoil the mood.

“I met Finn when he posted about needing a roommate online,” she started and didn’t even give him a chance to interject before she spoke again, “I know, I _know_ how that sounds. But I had a good gut feeling about him, and it proved to be right. He’s dating Poe, a guy he met in a Resistance online gaming group. Then there’s Rose, she’s the one that fixed your phone, she lives in the building and we met that way,” Rey smiled as she mentioned each of them and he was glad she seemed to have a group of people that cared about her.

“So, how did we meet and how long have we been together?” Ben asked, trying to get them on track for the inevitable questions when they got to his parents’ home.

“I don’t want your parents to get the wrong idea about me as a dancer, but maybe sticking to the truth as much as possible would be best? We can fudge the timeline but I’d rather not get caught up in too many lies. I don’t know how often you talk to your parents, but that might influence how long we’ve been together,” Rey suggested.

Ben nodded, worried about messing up as well if things got too convoluted.

“It’s not often, honestly I haven’t spoken to my mother besides emails in a while. So, maybe six months? Long enough that it makes sense for you to join me, but not long enough that it’s too serious?” Ben said, and when Rey nodded her agreement.

“What do we like to do together?” Rey asked.

“Movies, dinners? The usual stuff. Museums? With your anthropology degree it would make sense for us to do that,” Ben answered, feeling like he was being quizzed on a test he hadn’t studied for.

“That sounds reasonable. Do you have any hobbies that might inform our time together?” Rey asked.

“I haven’t had time for hobbies in a while, but I enjoy keeping fit, I box when I have the time. I used to do calligraphy when I was younger,” Ben answered, realizing how boring he sounded.

“What’s your favorite meal, do you have any allergies?” he asked, it might impact the Christmas plans and it was a reasonable thing to know about your significant other.

“No food allergies, but I do have a latex and penicillin allergy. My favorite meal isn’t anything specific, but I love seafood. It wasn’t something I had much access to growing up in a mix of places, away from the coast, so it was a luxury. You?” Rey asked.

Ben tried to absorb all this information, but he could tell some of it would get lost, especially since he was more focused on watching her mouth move than the actual words coming out of it.

“No allergies, and I love a good steak. Cliché perhaps, but when done well it can be sublime,” Ben said.

“Did you grow up in D.C.?” Rey asked and Ben pushed past the discomfort at talking about his childhood in any capacity.

“I suppose so, we lived in Northern California for a few years when I was very young, and then after my mother’s political career took off, we moved to Maryland to be closer to the Capitol. Eventually we settled in D.C. proper when I was a teenager. I got my masters in Finance at Georgetown and worked in D.C. for a few years,” Ben said and he knew it sounded bland.

“You?” he asked, even though he worried it might be a touchy subject.

“I grew up in the south of England, Bracknell originally. My parents and I lived in a council flat for most of my childhood, my dad worked on and off as a laborer and mum stayed at home with me. They died when I was nine. I didn’t have any living relatives so I went into the foster care system where I moved between group homes and a handful of foster homes until I aged out at eighteen,” Rey said, her voice soft.

He didn’t know what she had lived through but he could tell from the sad way that she said it that it must have been hard. Rey seemed like she was trying to do better for herself, especially after so long alone.

The conversation stilled for a bit after that, even though he knew they didn’t have much time to get their story straight, he couldn’t think of any good topics. Rey seemed caught up in the past, staring out the window at the scenery passing them by.

They got to Union station a little after three, the rest of their discussions lightweight, or simple passing statements. His nerves grew from the moment they set foot in the station. His mother had a car waiting for them and the driver took their bags from them, opening the door for Rey and then for Ben.

She seemed a little bewildered, not expecting a driver, he assumed.

“It’ll be okay, I promise. We’re about twenty minutes out, we’ll both just try and relax for that time, yeah?” he offered, letting her know that he didn’t feel all that comfortable here either.

She nodded, peering out the window at the city as they drove toward Kalorama. Rey seemed excited at the glimpses she caught of the National mall as they drove by, her nerves seeming to melt away, replaced with the excitement of a new experience.

With every monument she pointed out, Ben smiled and nodded, feeling his tension ease momentarily, until they came up on Kalorama Road.

Rey’s excitement turned to awe as she took in the stately houses, embassies and residences for foreign ambassadors. Now it was Ben’s turn to point them all out, very familiar with the neighborhood.

Eventually they pulled up to his parents’ Normandy, revival-style mansion. Aged Scottish brick bond and the turret that housed the front door gave it an old-fashioned, almost castle-esque appearance.

They exited the car in silence, the driver once again seeing to their bags and Ben knew they could put it off no longer. There was only one more thing he had to ask her.

“Is it okay if I hold your hand?” he asked, telling himself it was for the sake of appearances, but he knew his hands were shaking and he desperately needed something to hold onto.

She nodded, reaching out for his and they twined their fingers together, heading up the winding stone path to the door, and his family that lay beyond.


	4. The Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love! It's definitely made it easier to power through and write as much as I can! I really appreciate it and it means a lot.

Chapter 4

Rey swallowed hard, her tongue feeling like rubber in her mouth. When he told her she needed a few nice outfits for his parents’ Christmas she hadn’t expected _this_. She understood why he’d insisted, her jeans and cozy daily wear would not have sufficed. She’d even upgraded her sweaters, and boy was she glad she had.

He was _rich,_ rich. Or at least his family was. He’d come across as normal, sure she expected he made more than her, most people did. He was in an established position at a well-known company, but this… she wasn’t sure she was the right fit for all of this.

They’d barely gotten to know each other on the train ride, she was happy for each new kernel he shared, eager to delve deeper into the man that intrigued her. When he’d come up with the proposition she immediately wanted to jump on board, even though her brain warned against it. It had seemed like a good way to get away from it all, and to get to know him in the process.

Now she worried. What if she let him down? She wasn’t well versed in etiquette. She was friendly and got along with most people fine, but she’d never eaten anywhere that required more than one fork.

He must have sensed her panic because he squeezed her hand, his massive paw almost swallowing it completely, but the reassurance was helpful.

He’d promised that it would be okay, so she chose to trust him. And if things ended up going poorly, she would just have to remind him of that and have him send her back to the city.

Ben didn’t bother knocking, pushing the heavy wooden door open without warning. Rey followed behind, tethered to him as she was.

“We’re here,” Ben called out and within moments an older gentleman emerged into the round foyer at the base of the turret.

He was almost as tall as Ben, dressed similarly in a pair of dark wash jeans and a sweater, his silver hair still held a few hints of brown. His face was a roadmap of worry lines and the remnants of smiles. He took in the sight of the two of them, his mouth quirking up on one side in a roguish smile and she just _knew_ he must have been trouble in his youth.

“Dad, this is Rey. Rey, this is my dad, Han Solo,” Ben introduced, gesturing between the two of them.

“Hello Ben, Rey,” he said. His eyes lingering on his son though he made no move toward him.

Rey reached out her hand. Luckily, she still had her right free, and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, sir,” she said, hoping her palm wasn’t too clammy and that her grip was firm enough to set the right first impression.

“Nice to meet you too, kid. Ben, your mother is in the kitchen, I know she’d love to see you both,” he finished and led the way.

Ben seemed really tense, his shoulders pulled up defensively, a slight frown carved into his forehead. She traced a circle into his thumb, trying to soothe the worry from his face. He looked down at her in surprise, smiling slightly when he realized what she was doing, and gave her hand a thank you squeeze.

The house was massive, Rey tried her best not to walk around open-mouthed, but it was by far the most opulent home she’d ever been in. They walked by a family room, complete with a fireplace that crackled as they walked by, followed by an elegant dining room. The main staircase looked like the perfect place for a dramatic entrance into a party, complete with ball gown and gloves. She couldn’t imagine growing up here, she’d be too scared to ruin things.

They entered the kitchen, marble floors and countertops, white wood cupboards and a huge range that looked like it belonged in an industrial kitchen. There they saw who she assumed was Ben’s mother.

Leia was deep in conversation with the cook, her salt-and-pepper hair tied back in an intricate braid. She dressed more formally than her husband, a navy-blue dress suit with an interesting half star cut out around the collar.

Leia turned toward them when she heard the footsteps echo across the floor. Her face broke into a grin, brown eyes wrinkling at the corners, and Rey understood without being told that she was in charge around here. She was shorter than Rey, but Rey felt a thread of fear shoot through her as Leia came toward them.

“So glad you could make it, dear,” she said to Ben, raising higher up onto her toes to kiss his cheek before she patted the same cheek with affection.

“And very happy to welcome your guest, lovely to meet you, Rey,” Leia said, catching Rey off guard with her hug but Rey reciprocated nonetheless, even though her hand was still caught in Ben’s.

“We were just discussing the particulars for the meals over the next few days. We’re having a small family dinner tonight, and then the Christmas party will obviously be a little more populated. So much to do,” she said, and Rey could tell she was working her way through a mental list that none of them were even aware of.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Rey asked, before she could think better of it. Everyone seemed a little surprised by the offer but Leia smiled and shook her head.

“Nothing comes to mind immediately. This is bigger than I usually do, with the changes over the few years or so, we have some hired help this time. If I think of anything, I’ll let you know, okay?” Leia looked relieved that she didn’t have to handle it all alone, but Rey could tell she was the type of person that liked being in control and delegating was probably difficult to balance against wanting to do it all.

“Why don’t I show you to your room and give you both a moment to freshen up?” Leia offered, nodding once at the chef and then she led them back out toward the main staircase.

Her palm was sweating against Ben’s and she wished she could pull away for just a moment to wipe it against her trousers, but he seemed so worried, his frown hadn’t dissipated since they stood by the front door.

They followed Leia up the stairs, down the corridor just off of the stair case and into a large bedroom. The king-sized bed stood in the center of the room, the space done up in neutral and slightly warm tones, a marble fireplace with bookshelves on either side finished out the room. Their bags had been placed at the foot of the bed, beside each other.

“Here you go, please make yourselves comfortable,” Leia said.

“You said ‘room’, but surely you meant ‘rooms’. Where is Rey going to sleep?” Ben finally spoke, echoing Rey’s thoughts but she didn’t dare speak them aloud.

Leia just scoffed. “Ben, we’re all adults here. It’s the twenty-first century for goodness sake, just because you’ve never brought a girl home doesn’t mean I don’t know how these things work. She’s welcome to stay with you. Besides, we have a full house. This is it. I’ll see you downstairs later, dinner is at six!” Leia said and turned to head back down the stairs, no doubt to see to the countless arrangements.

She shut the door behind her and Rey finally released the breath that had been caught in her chest since they arrived.

Ben let go of her hand, and started to pace. She was starting to think this was a habit of his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that they’d room us together,” Ben apologized.

“Ben, it’ll be fine. Like she said, we’re all adults. You and I will figure it out. What I’m more concerned about right now is this house. You didn’t tell me your family was _rich_ ,” she said the last part almost in a whisper, as if it was something rude.

“I’m sorry, I should have warned you. I’ve been around it my whole life, sometimes I forget that other people don’t have drivers and security,” Ben said.

“Wait, hold up. Security? What exactly do your parents do?” Rey asked.

He gave a big sigh, clearly stressed out by the situation they found themselves in, possibly this conversation as well.

“I told you, my dad’s retired from the military. My mom’s a politician,” he answered, vague again.

Rey simply lifted one of her eyebrows, her face letting him know that wasn’t going to cut it anymore.

“My dad was a four-star general in the Air Force before he retired. My mom is a senator for the state of Maryland,” Ben finally admitted.

“Bloody hell!” Rey huffed, sitting down onto the bed to absorb it all.

“Yeah, I don’t like to advertise it for obvious reasons. Two of the nation’s finest and I was the best they could do,” he admitted bitterly.

She couldn’t imagine the pressure Ben had grown up under. Han seemed laxer than her idea of a military man, but she was sure there was far more to him than what she saw on the surface. Leia definitely seemed like the type that didn’t suffer fools or have time to waste.

She imagined that Ben had been almost as lonely as she had growing up.

“I feel so out of my depth, Ben. I’ve never been anywhere this nice. I spent more time couch surfing than I did living in a stable place. Finn’s is the longest I’ve ever been anywhere consistently. I know nothing about this world!” Rey admitted, finally letting her doubts and insecurities peek through.

She stared at her hands, the calluses from her hoop training, short and unpainted nails. Rey had never been accused of being a lady.

“Rey,” Ben urged, standing in front of her.

She kept her head down, trying to focus on her hands to stop the runaway thoughts from spiraling.

Ben knelt at her feet, so tall that he was almost face level with her as she sat on the bed, even though he was on his knees. He placed his finger beneath her chin, lifting her face up to look at his.

“I know this is overwhelming, I’m sorry I didn’t do more to prepare you. The only consolation I have to offer is that this has been the most pleasant start I’ve had with my family in a long time, and you’re largely to thank for that. So, please, don’t try to fit in with them. You being you is exactly what I need,” Ben said and Rey couldn’t contain the feeling of something bursting free in her chest.

Her cheeks felt warm, his face so close to hers, long eyelashes framing sad eyes. His aquiline nose dominated his face but somehow it only added to his attractiveness, without it Rey thought he might look too polished, unreal.

“Thank you,” she said softly, too afraid to say more in case she made a fool of herself.

His finger left her chin briefly and she mourned the loss of touch, but he cupped her cheek in his hand and gave the sweetest, smallest smile.

“What are we going to do about the bed?” she blurted out, unable to keep calm when he was touching her.

His hand slipped from her cheek and he rose to his feet again, looking around the room as if divine intervention might drop out of the ceiling and provide an answer.

“I can take the floor, it’ll be fine,” he said finally.

“No, Ben. I can’t have you on the floor in your own home. It’s a huge bed, I’m sure we could set up some type of barrier,” she joined him where he stood staring at the bed as it its mere existence was offensive.

There were more than enough throw pillows.

 _It’ll be fine_. She promised herself.

“We can try it, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I realize now this is more than you signed up for and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave,” Ben said, sounding very dour considering he’d been smiling a few moments ago.

“I don’t want to leave. We can do this. I’m here to help you,” she reminded him.

He gave her a half-hearted smile, the movement not reaching his eyes and she vowed that she would make him smile before the night was through. A real smile, with teeth and everything.

Ben assured her that they were dressed fine for dinner, there was no need to change.

“Tell me about some of the other people that will be here tonight,” Rey asked, hoping to be as prepared as possible.

“My uncle, Luke is the only actual family member that will be here tonight. He’s the professor I mentioned. My parents have a mutual friend, Lando, he’s another politician now but my dad knows him from way back. There was an altercation over a plane. We don’t talk about it. Lastly is my godfather, we call him Chewie. He’s my dad’s best friend,” Ben said.

“Chewie?” Rey asked and Ben rolled his eyes.

“If dinner gets awkward feel free to ask for the story behind his name, I couldn’t do it justice. My dad loves telling it, since he’s the one that came up with it,” Ben said.

Rey felt more at ease knowing it wasn’t an overly large dinner party, and since everyone knew each other hopefully they’d focus on their own dynamics and she wouldn’t come up too much.

They both headed downstairs to wait for the guests, Leia fussing over the place settings and drinks.

Everyone was punctual and seated by six. Leia and Han at the ends of the table, Ben and Rey seated beside each other, Luke on the other side of Ben. Lando and Chewie sat across from them.

Luke seemed nice enough, if a little reserved. He looked tired and she assumed he’d come straight from work. He wore a brown suit and tie, his hair a little shaggy, the same salt-and-pepper shade as his sister.

Chewie was huge, taller somehow than Han and Ben, his hair flowing down into a bushy beard, warm brown hair barely shot through with grey. He seemed to be aging impeccably.

Lando was dressed in what Rey could only describe as debonaire, his suit jacket almost looking more like a cape, the lining a bright blue color that complemented his dark complexion when it flashed. He seemed the friendliest of the lot, greeting everyone with a huge smile and an enthusiastic handshake. He gave Leia a kiss on the cheek and whispered something to her that earned him a light smack on the chest.

Conversation was normal at first as they ate the appetizers the chef brought out. Pleasantries about how everyone’s traveling went turned toward the weather and eventually it shifted to more personal matters.

Leia talked a little about the Christmas party and how nervous she was about hosting it at her home for the first time since she’d become senator. Han commiserated but reminded her that it had been her idea, after all. This prompted laughter from most around the table.

It was Lando that turned the conversation toward Rey.

“So, Ben. Why have you been keeping this lovely lady to yourself? Worried she’d get tired of your mug if you introduced her around?” He teased.

“It’s been crazy at work. I haven’t gotten around to coming back to visit. I’m just glad she agreed to accompany me at all,” he said and Rey could sense that he was telling the truth, despite the slight deception around their situation.

“Of course, you’d ask about that, Lando, you old cur. I’m more interested in where Ben picked up that purple bruise on his jaw,” Chewie chimed in.

Rey looked over at Ben, she’d forgotten about the bruise, his slight stubble had seemed to cover some of it. Not enough, clearly. Ben’s cheeks pinkened and his jaw tightened, the muscle jumping as he seemed to think of something to say.

“He probably slipped in the shower, Chewie. Our boy’s not a scrapper like his daddy,” Lando responded with a laugh.

“He was defending my honor,” Rey said, before she could think better of it.

She had the entire table’s attention now. Most of them looked surprised, but Han had a strange twinkle in his eye.

“We were at his Christmas party and one of his colleagues got a little handsy, Ben came to my aid,” Rey said.

“Well, I hope the other guy looks worse than you,” Han said, “but good on you for doing the right thing,” he finished and the table seemed to be in agreement with that statement.

Ben simply smiled that smile that didn’t reach his eyes and shook off the praise.

Dinner passed without any other incidents, and by the time dessert rolled around most of Rey’s nerves had quieted. They seemed like good people, very familiar with each other. She could see how Ben might have felt forgotten in such a boisterous group.

Luke tried to talk to him, and Rey as well, when the group got going on an old story. Ben told Luke about Rey’s area of study and they chatted for a little while. He’d gone for history but had debated anthropology himself, always interested in the civilizations and people that came before, and the lessons they left behind for generations to come.

He seemed really nice, they all did. Ben seemed to relax as the evening went on and by the time dessert came, he ventured into initiating a conversation himself.

“Okay dad, it’s time. Rey hasn’t heard the story of how Chewie got his name,” Ben said and most around the table groaned, but not Han and Chewie. They both smiled and rolled their eyes.

“I was a youth, barely older than Rey, probably. I’d heard rumors around base about a man that was fierce and feared within the ranks. He was massive, could reportedly rip the arms off a man, and a great shot. What they failed to mention was that he was a gambler, like me, and the most stubborn son of a bitch I’d ever encountered,” Han started, leaning toward Rey to tell her the story, one elbow perched on the table, the other hand free and gesticulating as he spoke.

“One night at a tavern I ran into some trouble. I’d lost most of my possessions in a game of Sabaac with some army guys. I was brand new to being a flyboy and cocky beyond belief. Chewie had been watching it all unfold from the bar. He came over after a while and offered that we change from Sabaac to a drinking competition,” Han continued and Chewie shook his head, a sigh leaving his body.

“I was tall, Chewie was even taller. I knew about his reputation. I figured the man could hold his liquor. I reasoned that I would be able to hold out long enough, just with sheer force of will. I gambled and I was wrong. Those army guys just hate themselves, it’s the only explanation that makes sense for the abuse they were able to endure. They went hard but we stumbled first. There may have been an overconfident promise of the losers having to eat their hats,” Han said.

Rey giggled at the image, understanding that being a lightweight seemed to run in the family, as did drunken courage.

“We still allege that they cheated. Either way, in our inebriated states they refused to listen to reason that it had only been an idiom, and not a real challenge. So, we sat in the tavern, surrounded by a dozen army guys, trying to bite through our Air Force service caps… one of our superiors came in to break up the fun and very sarcastically piped up ‘bet that tastes real good, huh?’ and this lunatic looked him straight in the eye and said ‘I don’t know, sir. It’s a little chewy,” Han finished, the table laughing despite having heard it all before.

“It stuck,” Chewie said, regretfully but smiling at his friend.

They swapped a few more tales from their youth, including how Leia and Han had bumped heads a lot back in the day. Leia’s smirk at that comment led her to believe they still did but they’d just learned how to coexist without wanting to kill each other.

Rey and Ben sat back and watched it all unfold and, at some point in the evening, their hands had found each other under the table and wound together. Rey told herself it was for appearances only. But she knew no one else could see the contact.

She’d never had this.

She’d been alone for so long. Even when she’d been with her parents, there were no family dinners around a table and stories, no funny anecdotes. Just their tiredness from working and the damp cold of the flat. Beans on toast and the occasional Greggs meat pie when her dad brought them back after a day working out in the cold.

But she also knew she was seeing an idealized version. Ben wouldn’t be avoiding his family and wanting company as a buffer if it was as perfect as it seemed. Still, it didn’t stop her from wanting this, or something like it.

They wound down slowly. Han, Lando and Chewie headed downstairs to Han’s workshop. Luke and Leia moved to her office to discuss more particulars of the party, Luke seemed to be her sounding board, the optimistic comfort to her realism and resolve.

Ben and Rey found themselves on the balcony, overlooking the gardens, the December air chilly but she welcomed it. She’d felt flushed all evening. They stood beside one another, arms touching but neither of them looking at the other.

“Your family seemed nice,” Rey ventured, trying to gauge his mood.

“Yeah, they usually do. I don’t really have much room to complain,” Ben said, but the tone of his voice seemed to contradict what he’d just said.

“You could. Complain, I mean. If you needed to,” Rey offered.

Ben turned, resting his back against the wrought-iron railing and looking down at Rey. The outdoor lights in the gardens and the light spilling from inside threw his face into the most striking shadows, his features sharpened.

“I know they love me. I love them too. We’ve just… lived past each other, I guess. My parents were very involved in their careers when I was growing up, and so I saw very little of them. They’re both such passionate people, they fought a lot in the early years. Over time love just wasn’t enough. I started to resent their careers when before, I wanted nothing more than to be just like them,” Ben said, closing his eyes, brows knit together in a deep frown.

He crossed his arms across his chest, as if he had to close off his body to counteract the vulnerability of sharing this with her.

“By the time I went to high school I had a huge chip on my shoulder. I promised myself I was done being compared to them, living in the shadows they cast. So, I kept to myself, eager to grow up and get to the point where I’d be able to get away from the scrutiny and comparisons. I succeeded,” He said, his words again in such sharp contrast to the way he said it.

Did he regret it? It seemed like it.

Rey did the only thing she could think of. Words failing her. She stood in front of him, placed her hands on his forearms to pull them apart and stepped up to his chest, wrapping her arms around his back.

The hug took him by surprise and he stiffened for a moment before he leaned into her, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against the top of her head.

“I’m sorry you felt that way, sorry if you still do. It’s not too late for you though,” she reminded him, thinking of her own fractured family, the chance of reconciliation an impossibility.

“I’m sorry too, I know my experiences pale in comparison to yours,” he said and his voice rumbled through his chest as he spoke, the roar of it against her ear strangely comforting.

“I didn’t say it to make you feel bad, just to remind you that you have options. It doesn’t have to be this way forever, broken things can be mended, or tossed out. Either way it’s up to you, but if you’re holding back now because you think it’s too late… it’s not,” she said and pulled away slightly to look up at his face.

He seemed deep in thought, a little pained even.

“I see they way they look at you Ben, affection and pride and love. I’m not saying it fixes the past, or covers up the hurt they caused. It doesn’t earn them forgiveness. But it’s something I would kill for,” Rey finished, letting her own vulnerability show, a lone tear snaking its way down her cheek.

Ben reached his hand up, wiping it away with his thumb. He swallowed hard and nodded at her before he pulled her back into the warmth of his embrace, a soft kiss planted onto the top of her head.

They stood there until Rey lost track of time, their breathing and his heartbeat against her ear the only real indication that time passed at all. The cold chased them inside after a while and everyone else seemed to have turned in for the evening.

Wordlessly, they headed upstairs to bed, Rey’s head swimming with the craziness of the past two days with him. He was fast becoming a danger to her and her heart.

She didn’t know what the rest of the week held, but she knew she had to pull herself together soon, before she got hurt.


	5. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love and comments on the last chapter. I took a short break over Christmas to enjoy with my family, but I'm back and excited for these two idiots to fall in love.
> 
> Let me know what you think and if you have any predictions or opinions!

Chapter 5

She was gentle, her hazel eyes taking in so much more than he imagined. She had the dynamic with his parents pegged, knew when he was hurting even though he’d become so adept at hiding it he barely noticed it himself anymore. He wasn’t sure what would come of their ruse, but he knew he was in danger of wanting it to be very much real.

She followed him up the stairs, both of them lost in their own contemplative thoughts. Ben imagined that she might be thinking of her own family, or the lack thereof. He was stuck on the old familiar ache that was wishing things had been just a little bit different.

His parents knew him in the way that they knew what he did for a living and where he’d gone to school, and the names of the few friends that drifted in and out over the years. But they didn’t _know_ him, the way he liked to sleep and the tv shows he watched when he had a moment to breathe. He didn’t even think they knew about his boxing and calligraphy hobbies, even though he’d been involved in them for years.

Rey seemed to burst into forgotten rooms of his life, shining light on the dust, but also the potential.

Maybe they could know him, and he could get to know them as well… as adults with their own interests, and not just the absent parents he resented for so many years.

Once they got to the bedroom his thoughts shifted, suddenly confronted with the prospect of sharing a bed with Rey. It had seemed too difficult to argue with his mother about the sleeping arrangements, and Rey was too nice to relegate him to the floor.

So, she made a point of pulling the throw pillows from their neat little homes and lined them up under the cover in a blockade that bisected the center of the bed. It seemed ridiculous and silly, and endearing in its effort.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the floor? There are enough pillows that I could make it more comfortable than it would usually be,” Ben offered, not wanting her to feel obligated.

She scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, patting the pillows down into place.

“Ben, we’re both adults… we can handle sharing a bed. We’re friends, right?” she asked, as if she needed convincing.

The word twisted something inside his chest. Friends.

Yes, he supposed, they were friends. They hadn’t really known each other long enough to be more, despite their deception to his family implying otherwise. Even though he felt that niggle again at the word, knowing that he would like to be more, but the words were just too far away to say comfortably.

“Of course we’re friends. You’re doing me a huge favor. I can’t thank you enough, Rey,” Ben said and she smiled with a little huff of what he assumed was relief.

“So, it’s settled then. No use either one of us not sleeping well. Why don’t you go and change into your pajamas in the bathroom and I’ll do the same,” Rey said, “after you’re done,” she interjected quickly when she realized how her statement might get misconstrued.

He gave a small chuckle and gathered up his weekend bag, slinging it over his shoulder and escaping into the en suite before either of them had a chance to put their foot in their mouth, again.

Ben wouldn’t usually sleep in pajamas, he’d actually gone out and bought himself some clothes that could serve for that purpose this week. He pulled on gray sweatpants and a soft black cotton shirt. He brushed his teeth and patted a cold, wet hand on the back of his neck in an attempt to calm himself down.

Nothing was going to happen. No matter how much the idea of it tormented him, ever since she mentioned sharing.

He entered the bedroom again, aiming for the side closest to the door and settled into the bed gingerly. Ben tried to be careful with her pillow barrier, but he worried.

Rey retrieved her own bag and shut herself in the bathroom, giving Ben the chance to take a deep breath, trying his best to slow his breathing.

He felt like an untried youth, giddy and terrified, fixating on all the wrong things.

His mind reminded him with malicious glee that she was undressing, just a door between them. Ben could hear the flutter of movement, the zipper on her bag and the soft thud of it hitting the floor once she found what she needed. The whoosh of water hit the sink.

He wondered if this was what it felt like to live with a partner: the benign nightly ritual that brought comfort and familiarity, the anticipation of seeing them even though they were only one room away.

Ben pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes, trying to physically force the inappropriate thoughts from his head. Another deep sigh, followed by him running his hand through his hair, and she emerged.

Her pajamas matched. Red and black buffalo plaid, warm and comfy and so roomy they were practically shapeless. Ben had never been happier to see a pair of pajamas.

“You doing okay?” Rey asked, climbing into her side of the bed, her cheeks slightly flushed.

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m good,” he said, trying to convince himself more so than answer her question. “You?” Ben said, a beat too long in his pause, the phrase almost an afterthought.

“Yes, I’m… I’m good as well,” she said and pulled the cover up beneath her chin, fingers wrapped around the edge so tightly her knuckles were turning white. She lay ram-rod straight in bed, her body in no way relaxed.

“If you’re uncomfortable with this arrangement I’ll make another plan. Really, I don’t want you to feel…” he finished, unable to express what he meant, but gestured to her stiff posture and obvious discomfort.

“No, it’s not that. I just… I haven’t shared a bed with many men, and definitely not for sleeping. I’m unsure how to approach this,” she admitted, her body softening slightly.

“I know what you mean. It’s been a long time since I spent the night with a woman just to sleep,” he said, an embarrassed chucked escaping his mouth.

“I also, uh, I mean I’ve said things along these lines but, I like you,” Rey said, struggling through the admission.

“I like you as well, and I’m struggling with that. Especially when the boundaries outside of this room are so different. Our pretense is complicating things,” Ben said.

Rey turned onto her side to look at him, tucking a hand under her cheek. So fucking adorable.

Her turned toward her as well, propped up on his hand, his elbow digging into the pillow.

“I feel weird about lying to them now that I’ve spent more time with them, but I’ll keep at it. We’re in this deep already, it’s easier to just go with it than to have to explain ourselves,” Rey said, her brow furrowing into a frown as she spoke of their deception.

“I don’t feel great about it either, but it seemed like the best idea at the time. I’m not so sure now, since we can’t do things at our own pace in front of them” he said, “I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess, but I’d like to make it up to you… Let me take you out tomorrow, on a real date, away from them. That way we can see how things go without the external pressure of having to be performative in front of them,” Ben offered, his heart beating in his throat, terrified of her rejecting him even as they lay 3 feet apart.

“I would like that, a lot. Thank you,” Rey answered, her hazel eyes shining and her face stretching into a broad and genuine smile.

He found himself answering her smile with one of his own.

She leaned over the pillow fort and placed a kiss on his smile, so quick he barely registered what was happening until he felt the soft heat of her lips against his.

The smile faded into the kiss. A tender kiss, the perfect first kiss, and it took everything in him to pull away before he started ripping the pillow barrier from beneath the covers and tossing them all onto the floor.

She fell back onto her own pillow with a quiet thump, covering her face with her hands.

“I’m so sorry, I should have waited. I just… you were smiling, for real, and I couldn’t help it,” Rey admitted, muffled behind her hands.

“Please don’t apologize. I only pulled back because I didn’t want to get in too deep,” he said, sinking down onto his own pillow, staring up at the ceiling.

She made him feel like this was the first time he’d been into a girl: impatient and excited, and completely dazzled by a pretty smile. Only he knew better now, knew to look deeper than the surface, and what he found was just as intoxicating.

He reached out his hand, resting it on top of the pillows between them.

“Hold my hand?” he asked, before he could stop himself, or think about the silliness of the request.

Rey pulled her hands away from her face, resting her small hand over of his, his fingers curling around hers. It felt right, it felt comforting and exhilarating all at once.

“Goodnight, Ben,” she said, reaching over with her unoccupied hand to turn off her bedside lamp.

“Goodnight, Rey,” he answered and did the same, plunging the room into darkness and setting his nerve endings on fire.

Sleep came with difficultly, both of them hyperaware of the other. But eventually, after toying with her hand and tracing shapes into the soft skin, Ben fell asleep.

When he awoke in the morning it proved that their attempt at a barricade was fruitless.

Ben was stretched out on his back, taking up a ton of room, and Rey lay partially on top of him. Her cheek rested against his chest. One of her legs was thrown over his, her hand gripping the fabric of his shirt in a loose fist. He tested out moving, wanting to escape before she woke up and realized what had happened in the night.

She stirred at his movement and snuggled closer, clearly not fully conscious. It felt better than he had words to convey. Her body was soft and warm pressed against his. He kissed the top of her head and breathed in the faint floral scent of her shampoo, and tried to think of something… anything to quell the desire he felt.

He burned for her; his body overly eager this morning. He didn’t want to alarm her and so he tried his best to extricate himself from her embrace. She gave a little sound of protest, a moan at the back of her throat that did nothing to cool the fire that licked at his skin.

She rolled over though and he was able to flee to the bathroom and hop into an icy shower, the punishing water the quickest way to distract himself.

By the time he’d lathered soap over his body and watched the suds swirl down the drain he’d managed to come up with an idea for their date. Rey seemed to enjoy exploring and seeing new things. He hated doing the national mall, but maybe she’d be okay with doing a boat tour on the Potomac, and a meal in Georgetown. He could walk Rey around his alma mater and grab a meal nearby.

Not the most romantic date he’d ever, but he wanted to get to know her and… wanted her to get to know him.

He dressed similarly to yesterday, dark jeans and a button up, and emerged from the bathroom. The ends of his hair still dripped tiny water droplets, and he rubbed the terry cloth over it vigorously to get most of it out.

The sun leaned into the room, an elongated rectangle reaching for the bed where Rey slowly roused from sleep. Her hair was mussed on the pillow, the fabric of her pajama top pooling around her forearms as she stretched out and gave a loud yawn.

“Oh, you’re already up,” she said when she looked over the bed and noticed him standing in the doorway to the bathroom.

“Force of habit, I’m usually out of bed before the sun comes up,” he said.

She sat up and examined what remained of the pillow fort. It had been a valiant effort but even she could see that it hadn’t held up during the night. Rey looked back up at him, an apologetic smile on her face.

“I hope I didn’t hog too much of the bed, it seems the barrier wasn’t up to the task,” she admitted.

“No, you were fine. We stuck to our respective sides for the most part it seemed,” he said, not wanting to embarrass her. The feeling of her hand on his chest was like an imprint on his skin.

She seemed pleased by what he said and started scooting out of bed and toward the bathroom. Rey had a moment of clarity and retrieved her bag before she moved past him into the small, damp space.

“I hope you left some hot water for me,” she teased.

“There’s plenty. I’m going to head down and let my family know we have plans away from the house. Meet you down there?” he asked and she nodded before shutting the bathroom door.

Ben tucked his wallet and phone into his pockets and walked downstairs, unsure of what he would find. It had been years since he’d spent a night at home. Even when he’d been living and working in D.C., he’d had his own place. He hadn’t had a breakfast here since he’d been in high school.

He heard soft laughter coming from the kitchen, the sound skittering over the marble floors to the staircase. Ben walked over to the kitchen door, steeling himself, knowing he was about to interrupt someone’s good mood.

He was surprised to find his mother in front of the stove, the hiss and pop of something frying in a pan and the scent of bacon wafting toward him. Han stood behind her, almost enveloping her in a hug, his long arm reaching over to try and steal one of the pieces on the plate that was already done.

Leia reached out and smacked his hand, another round of laughter starting up from the both of them. Han leaned down and placed a kiss on her temple.

“Come on, I had to try,” Han complained.

“Try as you might, not a piece until everyone is down for breakfast. If I left it up to you the bacon would already be gone,” Leia scolded, eliciting a deep chuckle from Han.

Han dropped his arm, defeated and rested his hands on Leia’s hips as she went about flipping the bacon over and moving crisp pieces over for the excess oil to drain.

Ben felt like he was intruding, an uncomfortable pull in his stomach. He hadn’t seen them like this in years, the majority of his memories of his parents together was always tumultuous. Han was stubborn and hated being wrong, Leia was always right. It caused a lot of fights, and they both fought to win. Combined with two crazy schedules, it was like living with a powder keg and a match, especially while Ben was in high school.

This domestic bliss was foreign, sweet and unexpected. Much had changed, it seemed.

He cleared his throat behind them, so not to alarm them when he walked the rest of the way into the kitchen.

Han turned first, the smile on his face wavering for a moment but back in place soon after, he took a step away from Leia and leaned against the counter next to the stove.

“Good morning, son,” Han said, his voice the same grit and mischief as ever.

“Morning, dad… mom,” Ben acknowledged and Leia shot him a smile over her shoulder.

“I hope you slept well,” Leia said.

Ben’s mind flashed to the tangle of their limbs, the warmth of Rey’s body against his, the way she fit him without even trying. He could have sworn he felt a flush creep up his neck.

“Yes, we did, thanks,” he said, clearing his throat and trying to distract himself from wandering down that tangent again.

“Where _is_ Rey?” Han asked, as if he was surprised to see Ben without her.

It made sense; they hadn’t left each other’s sides since they’d arrived. Of course his family had noticed.

“She’s upstairs, showering,” Ben said, trying not to think about that either. It was getting difficult to focus on a topic that didn’t include her, apparently.

Han nodded, folding his arms across his chest.

“I do hope Rey doesn’t mind a plain breakfast. We gave the cook today off so he could be well rested for the party tomorrow night,” Leia said, setting the last few pieces of bacon onto the plate, turning the burner down and then breaking a bunch of eggs into a measuring cup. She whisked them rapidly, the clink of metal against glass the only sound beside their breathing.

“Rey won’t mind, I’m sure,” Ben assured them, thinking of the unpretentious diner she had taken him to that first night.

Leia elbowed Han and he jumped to attention, she gestured for him to take over and he poured the eggs into the pan, moving them around with a spatula so they didn’t stick and burn. Leia wiped her hands on the lap of her apron and walked toward Ben.

“Ben, I’m sorry I strongarmed you into coming. We’d just missed you, that’s all. I made a judgement call without considering your feelings, or Rey’s. I didn’t even bother to ask if she had plans with her own family and now we’re monopolizing your Christmas,” Leia said and Ben was taken aback.

His mother rarely apologized. Almost never for controlling a situation to her satisfaction.

“No, mom. It’s uh…” he started to say that it was okay but it wasn’t. It never had been. Overbearing was different from protective or prudent. “We understand and we’re happy to be here. Rey didn’t have any family plans so we were able to make it work,” he responded.

“That’s right, she’s studying here, so I suppose all her family is back in England,” Han said.

Ben didn’t want to say anything, didn’t feel like it was his place, but he didn’t want them to bring it up to her and upset her.

“There, uh,” he swallowed past the stone in his throat, “Rey’s an orphan and was a foster kid, so she doesn’t have anyone in the way of family,” Ben said and watched his father’s face turn solemn, an orphan and foster kid himself.

Leia looked sad and alarmed to hear it, her forehead creased into a worried frown, simply nodding at the news, as if for once she didn’t know what to say.

“I wouldn’t have said anything, I just didn’t want anyone to upset her by accident because they didn’t know,” Ben said, the silent request for them to warn the others hanging in the air between them.

They both nodded, Leia biting her lip, their happy mood from earlier ruined. Just as he had predicted. Ben Solo was a buzz kill.

Rey came into the kitchen a few moments later, the smile on her face fading as she read the room. She came over to him and gave him a hug, almost as if it had been instinctual, like she’d been worried that he was upset by his parents and needed comfort.

“Good morning,” she said from his side, her voice kind but he felt the worry in the slight tremor of her hand on his waist.

Everyone intoned their own greeting, smiling at her and the tension in the room broke.

“Bacon and eggs for breakfast, hope you don’t mind,” Han said, scraping the eggs from the pan onto their own serving dish.

“You’re joking, right. Bacon is the only way to start the day,” she said and Ben could sense that she meant it, she wasn’t just saying it for their benefit.

Han seemed pleased, gathering up both plates of heaped food and walking it out past them to the eat-in table by the bay window. Leia took over a pitcher of juice and then set the plates and glasses for the four of them.

They walked over and Rey sat down without a second thought.

“No one else joining us?” Ben asked, surprised that they weren’t going to the dining room to accommodate their guests.

“No, they all ended up leaving last night. Luke said he had some things to wrap up at the university. Something about the grading being due even though students were out on break. Maz just got back into town so Chewie left to meet with her, and Lando has his own apartment in the city that he went back to,” Leia said.

Ben heard what she said, but he also heard what she didn’t say. There had been plenty of room for the two of them. There had been no reason for the silly pillow barrier and the late-night anxiety, and the admissions in the dark. He looked down at Rey but Han had evidently snuck the two of them a piece of bacon while Ben and his mother talked.

Rey chewed happily and his father looked smug at foisting a secret piece out from under his mother’s nose. Rey showed no indication of being displeased or worried, so Ben dropped it and sat down beside her.

They served themselves, Han and Rey looking like two chipmunks hoarding their winter supply, but there was plenty to go around. She seemed to get along well with his dad, and they chatted a little about his workshop and what he busied himself with now that he was retired.

He wasn’t surprised to hear that Han did a lot of flying in his time off, he was slightly taken aback when he heard that Han was doing charter flights and cargo drops, and that he was rebuilding a muscle car in the workshop.

Leia and Ben watched the two of them interact, shrewd dark eyes taking in the scene, the animated talking and gesticulating from both sides. Rey informed his father that she’d actually worked as an apprentice for a mechanic in England to save up enough for her studies. Han invited her down to the workshop to poke around and she informed him that it would depend on Ben.

They had a date, after all.

“I was just going to show her around the city a little, some of my old haunts,” Ben admitted, feeling guilty that he hadn’t taken the time to let his parents know of their plans when he’d told her he would.

“That sounds lovely!” Leia said, “We didn’t have any real plans for today, just last-minute prep for the party and hopefully the chance for a deep breath before it all explodes into activity tomorrow,” Leia looked stressed.

“I’m sure it’s going to be a huge success. You know how to get things done,” Rey said, trying to uplift his mother, Rey’s body visually relaxing when Leia’s frown melted into a small smile.

He looked over at her, a shaft of bright light between them. So focused on making those around her happy. Ben thought back to last night, how pleased he had been when she’d made him smile… a real smile, she’d said, as if she’d been taking note of every half-assed attempt until then.

He placed his hand over her knee, and the bouncing stilled. Rey placed her hand over his, giving it a brief squeeze before she went back to her food. This felt comfortable… right. She seemed to chat easily with both of his parents, deduce his feelings with nothing more than that inquisitive hazel gaze.

She’d have made a fantastic spy.

Breakfast was over sooner than he realized and Han offered the driver for their trip. Ben declined, preferring privacy over convenience, not keen on having someone report back to his parents on his comings and goings.

They wrapped themselves up in scarves and gloves, and started out of the front door. They held hands as they walked through the neighborhood. Stately homes, narrow streets, privacy in the middle of a bustling city.

“Who lives in all of these homes?” Rey asked, absorbing every detail she could, the two of them pointing out different details in designs that they liked.

“Politicians, socialites, and business people with deep pockets. You pay to have a haven in the city, that’s for sure,” he said. “There are some embassies between the homes, I always loved the drive to school because I got to see all the different buildings. Such different styles, all packed together in one neighborhood.

He called a Ryde to take them over to the university and they walked through historic buildings. Ben pointed out where he’d taken classes, the windows to the dorm building he’d spent most of his time in.

Even minutes from campus he’d opted to move out, citing the want to experience college fully, but the truth was he just wanted out of that house.

“That’s the bush I threw up in the first time I got black-out drunk. I woke up the next day, in someone else’s pants, literally. My roommates had to help me get dressed because I had just decimated myself with Bacardi 151,” Ben admitted, that embarrassed flush blooming across his neck and cheeks.

“I don’t have too many of those stories, but I figured I owed you that one, since you’ve had to deal with me in an inebriated state. I promise I don’t make a habit of it,” he said, feeling weirdly exposed, showing her the pieces of his life most didn’t know.

“I’m sure you don’t, Ben. You’re so serious. The only time I saw you smile easily was when you were drunk and concussed,” she said with a laugh, the sound bubbling up through her chest.

“Tell me about you and your college,” Ben said, eager to know more about her.

“So, I commute obviously, it’s too expensive to live on campus and if I had I would have been alone during breaks when everyone went home. Plus, with me almost being done it’s better to be settled somewhere, that way I don’t have to worry about moving out again. I have a few friends in my course, but they’re all younger than me so it’s not as easy,” Rey said, her face turning serious as she thought about what to say.

“I met Finn the week I moved here, he taught me the ropes of the city. I’d grown up in a big town, but New York was a whole other story. I enjoy learning and discovering more about the past and the way people lived. The more I research, the more I find that we’re all the same, then and now,” Rey said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“How so?” Ben asked, eager to discover more about how her brain worked, what she thought and felt.

“They all just wanted to be part of something, same as us. Community and family is a dynamic that has endured through the ages. Plus, assholes. There were assholes throughout history, and people that had been ostracized from the group,” she said and Ben found himself laughing at the unexpected turn in her answer. Her gaze drifted off, thoughts sweeping her away.

“I wonder about them: what they did to get cast out, how they cut it on their own with far less resources than we have now, whether they were lonely,” Rey said and Ben felt his laughter fade in his chest, settling into an echo of the icy wind that beat against it.

Rey shook her head, as if to dispel the thoughts, her eyes coming back to meet his.

“Enough about that, show me the city,” she said, reaching out her hand to take his again and they walked toward historic Georgetown, continuing their game of pointing out interesting people and buildings.

Rey particularly liked one of the murals on the side of a building: bright teal background with giant orange and red flowers, petals falling open into bloom. It was vibrant and alive, and he could see why she liked it.

They walked down to the riverside park, a few seagulls hadn’t gotten the memo about the frigid December weather… or the fact that they weren’t by the sea. Ben pointed out the Kennedy Center and the Watergate hotel from where they stood overlooking the river.

They continued their exploration with a boat tour, chugging along through the river, and Rey exclaimed in excitement as more of the main drag came into view. She pointed out the Lincoln Memorial, referring to it as where Forrest Gump ran through the water to Jenny, and where Martin Luthor King Jr. did his famous speech.

He loved hearing the connotations she held with each piece of history he took for granted. He couldn’t hold back the laugh that spilled over when she compared the Washington Monument to the scene from Spider-Man: Homecoming.

She rolled her eyes at him, giving him a playful pat on the chest to quell the laughter.

“It’s not polite, you know,” she said and he made and inquiring noise as to what she meant. “To make fun of me because I’m not from here. All I had growing up was a litany of snowy TVs and scenes from a nation across the sea that held all the promise of a new and better life,” Rey explained.

He thought about it from the opposite perspective, finding that he struggled to do so. His parents were very well traveled and as a result so was he. He’d been to London and Beijing, South Africa and many other places he barely remembered on diplomatic trips. But he could understand that feeling, the longing for something different, something better.

“Was it all you’d expected?” Ben asked, curious to know how she felt on his side of the world.

“No, not really. The buildings and monuments were as I’d imagined, it’s been so exciting to tie the places I’ve seen in movies to their physical counterparts. But when it comes to people and everyday problems, it feels a lot like home. Like I said, we’re the same, all just trying to get by and find our happy,” Rey said with a rueful smile.

Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were pink from the cold air, the river around them glinted where the sun hit the ripples, small pieces of tree debris floating along with them. She blew onto her gloved hands to try and infuse an extra bit of heat. The fingerless gloves had a flap that could cover her fingers like mittens, and she looked so cute, mittens pressed to her mouth.

Ben stepped closer to her, trying to shield her from the cold air.

“And what makes you happy?” he asked, almost whispering, standing so close to her that their coats were touching.

She looked up at him, eyes wide, and placed her hands onto his chest. The touch burned, even through multiple layers of fabric. Rey looked contemplative for a moment, and she worried her bottom lip between her teeth before she took a deep breath to answer.

“The last seat on the train, chai tea lattes and blueberry muffins in the morning. Laughing with friends, the quiet hum of the city as people finally come home from work and settle in for the night. Diner hash browns and blackcurrant wine gums. The first snow of the season where everything gets quiet and the world seems to take a breath,” she said it all so seriously, and he knew that he was getting to know a part of her that she didn’t divulge with everyone.

Her lips quirked up slightly, not quite a smile but the remnants of past enjoyment.

“You, the way you take up so much space and still try to hide. Your smile. It’s my new favorite thing that makes me happy,” she finished and he felt unmoored.

Ben had no words, the feelings so peculiar and sharp in his chest that he couldn’t quite grasp what he wanted to say. So instead, he leaned forward and touched his lips to hers.

Her upturned face so close, the coolness of her skin felt like a balm to the burning inside of him. He touched his gloved hand to her cheek, hating the barrier, wanting nothing more than to feel the softness of her skin beneath his fingertips. The kiss deepened, further than they’d taken it last night, and he wrapped his arms around her, gathering her up into the circle of his arms.

She gave a small moan against his lips and it took a moment for him to remember they were on a boat, in public. He had to keep reminding himself to calm down, take it slow. It was getting harder and harder to do so when she was such a lure.

Ben didn’t even realize what he’d been missing, how touch-starved he’d been until she blew into his life and he was knocked to the ground, quite literally.

He pulled back with reluctance, but he knew that if they carried on, he wouldn’t be able to keep control of himself and the ache he felt for her.

She tucked her face between the folds of his coat, her forehead resting against his sternum as she took a deep breath.

“You’re dangerous, Ben Solo,” she said, the sound muffled by his clothing.

“Me? You’re the one driving me insane,” he said, trying to sound joking but it came out almost broken.

She looked at him then, taking him in, her eyes skirting over the curve of his neck and lingering on his lips before they settled on his eyes.

“What are we doing?” she asked, her face unsmiling for once, stark and naked in its panic.

“Whatever we want,” he answered simply, dipping his head down again to kiss the fear from her face. She melted against him and they kissed until he felt like he would drown.

Ben pulled away briefly to press little pecks to her cheeks, nose and the curve where her jaw met her neck. She really seemed to enjoy that and he filed that information away for later, peppering a trail up to her ear before he spoke, husky and overcome.

“I want you. I want to keep getting to know you. I want your laughter and your small, cold hands on my skin… the feel of your body wrapped around mine. I want all of you, as much as you’re willing to give,” he admitted hoarsely, stunned by his own confession, but none of it a lie.

He’d never felt this strongly before. Ben had his share of flings, like ships passing in the night, scratching an itch that flared up every now and then.

But this was so much more. This was consuming and overwhelming, and scary. He didn’t do trust, he didn’t open up, he sure as hell didn’t whisper declarations while on the knife-edge of need and yearning.

“I want you too, more than I can put words to. More than I’ve felt for anyone else before,” she admitted, her voice soft against his cheek.

There was nothing else to say, nowhere else to go in that moment but into the silence of their mutual pining. Both waiting impatiently for the boat to dock so that they could give in to each other without the world watching.


End file.
